Pages From a Diary, Chapter 15

  • Posted on June 4, 2024 at 2:14 pm

A brief summary of what has transpired thus far. (To get a more detailed breakdown of the first 14 chapters, please see Pages From a Diary Chapter Links )

Eleven-year-old Mallory is a bright but lonely girl with strict fundamentalist Christian parents whose marriage is going through a rough patch. One day, Mal gets acquainted with a girl named Julie who isn’t religious. Neither is her father Jason, or Jason’s girlfriend Lisa. Nevertheless, Mal likes them all quite a lot. Soon, the girls become fast friends, and before very long, more than friends. Mallory has a difficult time reconciling her emerging sexuality with her faith, but soon finds her desire for Julie and her interest in sex getting the upper hand, especially once she learns to masturbate.

Meanwhile, her parents’ relationship is really beginning to founder, to the point of screaming matches in public. Mallory finds herself increasingly disgusted with them both, but doesn’t let it show. By then, she and Julie are beginning to experiment sexually, but don’t really know what they’re doing. Julie’s dad’s girlfriend Lisa finds out about their curiosity and offers advice, then the girls persuade her to undress and join them in bed. Here Mal and Julie have full-on sex for the first time, then Lisa joins in. 

Soon thereafter, Mallory and Julie are confronted by a fifteen-year-old girl from their school named Megan, who tells them she recognizes their feelings for each other, admits to being gay herself, and invites them to drop by her place a few days later. Megan only wants to hang out and chat, but Mallory casually takes charge of the situation, and soon the three of them are naked and having sex. At first, Megan is uneasy about coupling with such young girls, but the situation proves too tempting for her to resist. 

By then, Mallory’s mother Sharon is spending more and more nights away from the home, supposedly staying with her own mother. So she isn’t there when Mal’s father Dan collapses and nearly dies from alcohol poisoning after downing nearly a fifth of whiskey. Only Mallory’s quick thinking and immediate response saves his life. Once Dan is taken to the hospital, Mal learns that her mom isn’t really at Grandma’s house, but out with another man. She’s angry and upset… but later, a round of lovemaking with Julie and Lisa lightens her mood.

Not long after her father is released from the hospital, Mallory is taken out on a shopping trip by her mother. During the lengthy drive, Sharon explains her side of the story, treating her daughter more like an adult than she ever has before. Mallory finds herself feeling sympathetic… but then she’s startled to catch herself having sexual thoughts about her mother, and gets flustered and confused. Those thoughts won’t just go away, though…

And that, dear reader, is where our story picks up the thread. Do enjoy!

by Rachael Yukey

Took a break for a quick shower, now I’m back. It’s getting late, but I REALLY want to write about the rest of my day.

I didn’t know what to expect when Mom invited me to ride to Alexandria with her, but it turned out to be really great. For the first time in my life, the two of us had a real adult conversation, one where I got to hear Mom’s side of things. I feel like I understand her a lot better now… and seeing her in a whole new way, though some of the thoughts I’m having make me feel kinda unsettled.

We did the necessary shopping first. Stuff for Dad at Fleet Farm, where we got new winter boots for me. Household supplies at Target. By then it was lunchtime, and Mom took me to Doolittle’s restaurant and told me to order whatever I wanted. I had the steak and shrimp, which was totally excellent.

During lunch, she asked me to tell her more about the Hansons, especially Julie. I was eager to talk… I feel like I can’t ever say enough about Julie. Then we made the rounds of places like JCPenney and Herbergers. Mom bought me a couple of nice new outfits I didn’t really need, and a couple of small things for herself. We did the grocery shopping last so the cold stuff wouldn’t sit in the car for too long. By that time it was late enough that we decided to bring home a take and bake pizza, so we could still eat dinner at a reasonable hour.

Finally it was time to head for home, and as the day had gone on I’d had lots of time to think. As Mom accelerated past the End Speed Zone sign I picked the morning’s conversation back up again.

“Mom, can I ask you something?”

“Sure, honey.”

“What you said, about sex not being very good…”

“Oh, that,” she said, making a face. “I guess I don’t really expect you to understand. But you probably do know that sex is supposed to feel amazing, and it’s never been all that great for me. My first time was the night I married your father, and it was just never as good as what… well, I mean… as good as I expected.”

She was stumbling all over her words, and I was pretty sure I knew what had her so flustered. Did I dare go there? I decided to risk it. “You mean, not as good as you could do by yourself?”

Mom shot me a sharp glance, then fixed her eyes back on the road. Way to go, idiot, I told myself. I was sure I’d gone too far. The silence stretched out for a long moment

“And what exactly do you know about that?” she wanted to know at last.

I figured I was already in over my head… no point in holding back now. “Remember you were talking about knowing what it felt like to want to be with people in certain ways, Mom? I already know what it’s like. And I know about masturbating. What I want to know is if sex isn’t as good as masturbating.”

Mom took a long, deep breath. “You’re already, um, touching yourself?”

“Yeah,” I said. “Are you mad, Mom?” I was starting to wish I’d kept my dumb mouth shut. Had I just ruined a really good day?

“No, honey,” she said at last. “I’m not mad. And yes, that’s what I meant. Sex has never been as good as… as masturbation for me. Not with your dad, and not with Brian.”

She let out a long sigh. “You’re the first person I’ve ever discussed this with,” she said. “Masturbation… is not something I’ve ever been ready to admit to. But I’ve been doing it since I was fifteen. And it’s the only way I’ve ever been able to… you know… orgasm. Do you know what an orgasm is?”

“The best feeling in the whole world!” I said with enthusiasm.

Mom actually smiled a little at that. “It’s a feeling I’ve only ever had by myself,” she said. “It never happens when I have sex. I’ve given up wondering if something is wrong with me. Sometimes it feels good, but I’ve never been able to… finish with a partner. Even early in our marriage when your dad and I were having sex all the time, I still masturbated a lot because I needed the release. I felt really guilty about it in those days, but now I just think of it as… well, a fact of life.”

She fell silent. I didn’t speak right away, either. I was still trying to wrap my brain around it all… and something else, too. I was getting super horny!

My mom is a beautiful woman at age 30. Slim and short with small but shapely breasts. Her dirty blond hair frames a pixie face, fine featured and delicate. I think a lot of people don’t notice how great Mom looks because she dresses pretty frumpy in loose, drab-colored dresses or plain jeans and flannel shirts. It occurs to me now that the way Mom dresses doesn’t really fit in with the life she claims to have always wanted for herself. Does she wear those kind of clothes to please my dad? Or maybe to hold up the image of the perfect Christian family woman? I was wishing now that we were still in Alexandria, so we could go back to Herbergers or someplace and I could help her pick out some nicer, more attractive clothes.

The vision I’d had a few hours ago popped into my head again, of Mom lying on the bed in her underwear, only this time her hand was in her panties and her head was thrown back. Oh, God, this is SO wrong. Finding out that Mom masturbates had me practically sitting in a puddle! But I didn’t push it away this time. Instead, I went fishing.

When I spoke again, I tried to keep it low and a little sexy sounding. “I haven’t been doing it all that long,” I told her, “but I touch myself all the time. Sometimes two or three times a day! It feels so good, Mom. I like to really take it slow. I lie in my bed naked and let my imagination run wild thinking about all the things I want to do with the right person, and just let my hands float all over my body. And then… when I can’t take it anymore… I reach down to where it’s all warm and wet. And when I get my orgasm, I sometimes have to bite my pillow to keep from screaming out loud cause it feels so good.”

I was watching Mom’s face the whole time. Was she getting a little flushed? She was! And I could swear her breathing was faster and shallower. Hearing about how I masturbate was getting her excited! Mom might not know why sex isn’t very good for her… but I was starting to think I might’ve figured out the real reason.

But what to do with my suspicions? Did I start talking about fantasies involving women and girls? No, it was too soon for that. I’d planted the seed in her mind, and that was as far as I dared to go right then.

I switched tracks. “So, what are you going to do?” I said.

“Huh?” she said. She gave her head a quick little shake. “I… I mean… do about what?”

I had to hold back a grin. What HAD been going on in Mom’s head at that moment? Still, I really did have a couple of serious questions to ask before we got home.

“I hope this doesn’t make you mad, Mom,” I said, “but you were honest with me, so I’m going to be honest with you. Life at home sucks right now. You’re miserable, and because of that you’re making everyone around you miserable. You know it, I know it, we’ve talked about it… so what happens now?”

“I… I don’t know,” she said. “There isn’t just me to think about, you know. If it was just me and your dad, I think I might have already filed for divorce and moved someplace else… but I don’t think that would be very good for you.”

My heart froze. I hadn’t even considered that! If Mom decided to move far away and take me with her, away from Julie…

I bit back my panic. Freaking out wasn’t going to help. I kept my voice carefully under control. “It would be the worst,” I said. “I know you don’t like it here, Mom, but I do. My friends are here. Sometimes I wish we lived in town instead of on the farm, but please don’t make me move away.”

“That won’t happen. I know I’ve been selfish, but it’s time for me to start acting like a parent again. I don’t know what’s going to happen just now… I do know that something has to change. I can’t tell you yet what that will look like. But I won’t take you away from your home and your friends.”

I closed my eyes and let out a sigh of relief. We were driving past town, which meant home was only a few miles away.

“Mom?”

“Yes?”

“Do you still masturbate a lot?”

Her face flushed a little. “More than I like to admit,” she said. “I used to feel guilty, but now I just do it… I try not to think about it much.”

“How do you do it without Dad knowing?”

“Oh, that’s easy.” A small smile played about her lips. “He sleeps like a rock. I’ve had five orgasms in a row lying right next to him and he hasn’t even twitched. Or sometimes I do it in the bathtub. There’s lots of ways.”

“I like it in the bathtub, too,” I said.

“Wow,” she said. “I would never have guessed in a million years. I hope you know better than to let your father find out.”

I wrinkled my nose at her. “I’m not crazy.”

At home, Mom put the pizza in the oven. I helped her put the groceries away, then took my new clothes to the laundry room to get them washed. By the time I returned to the kitchen, Dad was just getting in from his workshop.

Except for the bless-this-food part, dinner was eaten in the usual silence, then Dad went back out to the workshop to finish prepping the combine to go into the field on Monday. I sat down at the piano, meaning to get at least half an hour in, but then Mom said she was turning in early, kissed my cheek, and disappeared from the room.

Huh? It wasn’t like her to just run to her bedroom right after supper! Suddenly a crazy idea struck me, and I couldn’t concentrate on practicing any more.

Closing the piano lid, I made my way up the stairs as fast as I could without making any noise.

Instead of going into my room, I crept to this storage space we have that’s right above Mom and Dad’s bedroom. It has one of those grates in the floor you find in old houses that lets heat flow from downstairs into the upper rooms. I sank to my knees, crawled over to the grate and peered through. I couldn’t see anything in the dark room below, so I turned my head to one side and pressed my ear to the cold metal.

Harsh, raspy, hitching breath sounds. I’ve heard that kind of thing enough times to know for sure what it was. My mother was touching herself!

What was she thinking about? That was the first thing I wondered. Was this happening because of our conversation in the car? What if she was picturing me masturbating, like I did with her? Okay, THAT idea had me instantly, incredibly aroused.

One thing for sure… Mom really is good at not making too much noise. I never heard a whimper or a moan, just her breath getting more and more rough until suddenly there were a few short gasps and a slight creaking of the bed. Then silence.

My heart was beating like crazy, my pussy was throbbing in time with it, and if I had to wait one more minute to get relief, I was going to explode! I slid carefully across the floor, got to my feet in the doorway, then tiptoed to my room as fast as I could.

By then, my need was overpowering, so much that I didn’t just want to touch myself… I wanted to FUCK myself. It shocked me a little to be thinking that way, but not enough to stop me from doing something about it.

I didn’t even bother taking off my leggings. I just lay down on my stomach, stuffed a pillow between my legs, and began rocking up and down on it. The sensations were fast and powerful, and it took me almost no time to come. I’m not as good as Mom is at doing it quietly, so I buried my face in the blanket to muffle my screams.

When I was finished coming, I rolled onto my back, gasping for breath. I felt wet between my legs, and a glance down confirmed that I’d soaked right through my leggings. My pillowcase was damp too, but the pillow itself was still dry, thank goodness.

Suddenly I had a totally crazy idea. So crazy, in fact, that I had to take a minute to think before deciding to go through with it. I stripped off the pillowcase, grabbed some pajamas out of my dresser and went downstairs. In the bathroom I stripped naked, washed myself up, and got into my PJs, then I took my dirty clothes and pillowcase into the laundry room. I dropped the shirt and socks into the hamper, but spread my damp leggings, panties and the pillowcase out on the drying rack where we normally put our wet towels. When Mom comes in here tomorrow, she’ll be sure to find the evidence of what I’ve been up to.

Again, I paused to think this through. What if Dad found my things instead? Then I told myself not to worry. Heck, I literally can’t remember the last time I saw Dad in the laundry room. So I fetched a clean pillowcase out of the linen closet and got myself back upstairs.

I’ve spent over an hour getting this diary caught up, and it’s time for me to get some sleep. Church in the morning, you know. And after that… Megan’s house with Julie! Can’t wait.

Between how excited I am about that and listening to Mom making herself come, I bet you can just guess the state I’m in right now! I’ve already masturbated once tonight; shouldn’t that be enough? Well, even as I’m writing this, I’ve got my left hand down the front of my pajamas. So—I guess that question just got answered.

 

Nov 5, 2006

I woke up early this morning, and my excitement over the upcoming visit to Megan’s house kept me from going back to sleep. Just thinking about all the things we might do gave me a familiar, tingling warmth between my thighs. For once, I pushed it aside, telling myself to save it for that afternoon. I got up.

I had almost an hour to kill before getting ready for church, so I worked on my line drawings. I’m doing pastoral woodland scenes. It usually wouldn’t be my thing, but I think it’ll be a natural fit with the medium I’m drawing on. Right now, I’m still roughing them out on paper. After a while I put it aside and got dressed.

When I went downstairs, I was very surprised to find Mom waiting in the kitchen with a real breakfast for me… eggs and sausage. Dad wasn’t up yet, so we ate together at the table. He came out at the last minute, said, “Good morning,” wolfed a plate of food down, and out the door we went.

Megan wasn’t at church, but she’d already told me she wouldn’t be. I did see her mom there, so I smiled and said “Hi.”

That morning we did an art project in Sunday school, cutting and pasting construction paper to make a flat Noah’s ark. I love doing art projects, because most of the time I’m better at them than anybody else. When you’re the kid who gets ignored a lot, it’s nice to have everyone admiring your work.

Later, when we were sitting through the church service, I felt like rolling my eyes as Pastor Glenn droned on about the wages of sin, and how those who aren’t born again will be held to account by an angry God. I never used to notice how mean-spirited a lot of what he says is, but ever since I figured out I was into girls, it’s all I can think about when he preaches.

I guess it’s really true… I don’t believe any more. It was starting to happen anyway, but it all came together in those first few seconds after I found my father on the floor.

I couldn’t help but feel uneasy. Ever since I was old enough to think, I’ve gone with a simple, rock-solid faith that the God of Abraham sent his son Jesus Christ to die for my sins, and that along with the Holy Spirit they were watching over me, taking care of me and maybe even sending down an angel or two from time to time. It’s just in the last month or two I’ve started to doubt, and now I just flat-out don’t believe it. So, if God isn’t out there, is there anything? If life isn’t about getting into heaven, then what does it all mean? Are we really all alone? And what happens when we die?

As the service neared its end, I forced my mind to other things. I’d already decided on a first step… talk to Jason Hanson, and maybe Lisa as well. They’re not Christians, and Jason in particular seems like the kind of person who thinks a lot about things and doesn’t jump to conclusions. If he believes or doesn’t believe something, he’ll be able to explain why.

Just that simple act of deciding to do something calmed me down, then my mind turned to a way nicer topic—where I was going after church. I remembered how amazing Megan looked naked, and that gave me a little quiver inside. Easy, girl, I warned myself. You’ll make a puddle in the pew! I had to bite the insides of my cheeks to keep from giggling out loud.

Julie had arranged for her dad to drive us to Megan’s place. My parents thought we were working on an A.L. project that Julie was also involved with, Julie told her dad that we were just hanging out, and Megan’s mom—okay, I have no idea what Megan told her.

Jason and Julie were waiting outside the church in Jason’s pickup. Mom walked out with me, and as I climbed into the back of the club cab Jason rolled down his window. “Hi, Sharon,” he said.

“Hello, Jason. Thanks for giving the girls a lift,” she said.

“No sweat. Are you hanging around the church today, or going home?”

“Home today,” she said. “I have—a little unfinished business to take care of.”

“Well, Julie’s gonna call me when they’re done,” he said. “I’d drive Mallory home for you, but I’m on call for the ambulance and have to stay within four miles of town. You guys are like one mile over that limit. But if you want I can snag Mallory along with Julie, and you can come get her at my place.”

“That’d be great,” said Mom, “because I just realized I’m not exactly sure where Megan lives. I’ll wait for your call, then.” She waved at me. “See you later, hon.”

“Bye, Mom,” I said, then we were off.

A few minutes later, Jason pulled into Megan’s driveway. Julie and I said goodbye to him as we clambered out of the cab. We strolled up the front walk together, and I was just reaching for the doorbell when Julie grabbed my arm. She pointed towards a plain white sheet of paper taped to the door, with a message written on it in artful calligraphy.

JULIE AND MALLORY… WELCOME. COME INSIDE.

Underneath that was written in smaller letters: BRING THIS NOTE WITH YOU.

I tried the door; it opened. Julie tore the note down as we stepped into the entryway, where another note was taped to the wall. HANG UP YOUR COATS AND COME INSIDE. DON’T LEAVE THE NOTES BEHIND.

We took off our hats, mittens, coats, and boots. I grabbed the note, and we stepped cautiously into the living room. Neither of us had spoken since we got out of Jason’s truck. We looked around the dim, empty room.

Then I spotted the next note. At the top was an arrow pointed towards the stairs, and underneath that it read: YOU KNOW WHERE TO GO NOW, DON’T YOU?

I ripped the note from the wall and made my way to the basement stairway, Julie close behind. Down the stairs, then left. The long hallway was lit, but the other rooms were dark. I could see as we neared the end of the hall that Megan had drawn the shades. Nobody was in the rectangular open space. The microwave clock blinked at us.

Megan’s bedroom door was closed, and the note on it said:

ENTER… IF YOU DARE.

My hands were trembling as I stepped forward and opened the door.

Soon to come: Chapter Sixteen!

 

15 Comments on Pages From a Diary, Chapter 15

  1. Kim & Sue says:

    Beautiful! We were surprised and pleased at how far Mal’s thoughts went toward her Mom, Sharon. It’s a hard place to go and make seem real, but we liked that Mal and Sharon are getting turned on by each other. Or at least by talking about masturbation. Mal for sure has some pent up fantasy’s for Sharon that she’s trying to make real.

    Also liked that Mal has some very deep thoughts about where do we come from, why are we here, where do we go. Not something you often find in a sex story.

    And of course the cliff hanger. What will Julie and Mallory find when they open Megan’s bedroom door. Our imagination is running wild. Also we’re at or near where the story dropped off last time, so really ready for more.

    • dw says:

      +1 for everything you said! And yeah, this is about where things left off – can’t wait for the next chapter!

  2. Jordan R. Kain says:

    Am I sitting on pins and needles waiting to find out what happens in Megan’s bedroom. Yes. Am I totally and absolutely thunderstruck by Mal’s possible sexual attraction toward her mother and hopeful that she will pursue it? YES!

    • Esisi Kazi says:

      Megan is laying there waiting with a big ol’ strapon, isn’t she?

      I expressed my opinion on involving the mother in the sexuality in the previous chapter, but beyond that I really enjoy Mallory’s development as a person.

  3. Purple Les says:

    Another great chapter and very much looking forward to what comes next.

  4. Erocritique says:

    A “puddle in the pew” *chuckles*. This was definitely a earthshaking chapter with all the revelations and potential ramifications. And the cliffhanger ending was the cherry on top. Wonderful stuff, Rachel. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

    • Jordan R. Kain says:

      These three didn’t make me chuckle, they made me fan my face.

      “Finding out that Mom masturbates had me practically sitting in a puddle! But I didn’t push it away this time. Instead, I went fishing.”

      • Captain Midnight says:

        It’s so sad for me to see, near the end, Mallory losing her faith. To me, it’s an undermining of the belief system that I have myself; that faith sustains and allows people to stay strong,to sustain themselves and people around them; to avoid despair and to create their own moral codes which keep them from hurting themselves or others.

        • sue says:

          Perhaps Mallory isn’t so much losing faith as questioning it. I think even the most devout at times may have doubt. Sometimes it may bring a stronger or different faith.

          • JetBoy says:

            When religion works as it should, its benefits are obvious: faith can give us comfort, illumination and the determination to be a better person.

            Sadly, it’s all too easy to exploit religious faith for unscrupulous purposes, using it as 1) a club to batter your perceived enemies, real or imaginary, and 2) as a choke chain to bend others to your will.

            Then there are those to whom religion is merely a means by which to get and hold power… and make tons of money, of course. Lenny Bruce put it best: “Any man who calls himself a religious leader and owns more than two suits is a hustler, as long as there is someone in the world who has no suit at all.”

            Anyway, that kind of crap was what caused me to abandon my own religious faith as a teenager. Jesus was a good man, but way too many of his followers are assholes. Hell, if Christ came back tomorrow, they’d be the ones trying to crucify him again.

            • sue says:

              As Ghandi said, I love your Christ, I do not love your Christians, they are so unlike your Christ.

              I suppose we should stay away from religion and politics.

  5. Captain Midnight says:

    These are all good responses to my comments and concerns. I just hope you don’t mind how seriously I take these stories and how much they affect me. They are not “simple entertainment” and I comment accordingly. If I didn’t take them seriously,I would not be here.

  6. Mo says:

    What a great chapter of this on-going story. Reading about Mal starting to breakdown those resentful barriers with her mum Great read.

    Rachael I read pages the first time round but tbh I can’t remember the last published original chapter?

    • JetBoy says:

      Chapter Eighteen will be the first all-new chapter. Hope you’re all as excited as Rachael and I are…

      Once more, thanks must be extended to all of you for your kind words. Heartfelt praise is food for the writer’s soul.

  7. Rachael Yukey says:

    God… thanks so much to everyone! The way people are moved by this story is blowing my mind, to say nothing of inflating my ego! Thank you, thank you, thank you.

    As Jetboy pointed out, chapter 18 is where new material kicks off.

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