Realizations about Writing and Love

  • Posted on August 30, 2015 at 5:33 pm

By Cheryl Taggert

Writing is a solitary effort made in collaboration with everyone the writer has ever known. I know that sounds odd, but it’s true. I have come to realize that my best work, such as the final chapter of Nanny for a Night, is such a collaboration. Other works that I consider my best writing (not necessarily the most erotic), always involve someone else in my mind. They are there on an emotional level.

Oddly, I want to thank my parents for “Finding My Sister,” for it was their cruelty when I came out and the fact I am an only child that contributed to that story. The character of “my” father in the story is my father in real life. That’s how I imagine his behavior would be if he had such news to give me.

Midnight Awakening in Amherst” was the first story in which the “real” Lisa was a part of a story I was writing. I had named characters after her, but this is Lisa in that story, which is actually non-fiction. It is a description of a night we shared years ago when we were first dating and living together. I was so touched by what had happened the night before, I wrote it the following day. I won’t go into details about how our lives came to separate back then because it is still very painful for me. The best part, however, is that no matter how stormy our relationship got back then, we are together now. She is my wife, and I am hers. Legally. Legitimately. Lovingly.

I come to that final chapter of the Nanny series frequently and re-read it. (It is linked in the first paragraph.) I am not bragging, but this is perhaps the best chapter I have ever written. It could be terribly written by professional standards, but it is the best of my writing. Only the two stories linked above come close. And both of them involve something that causes me to feel intense emotions as well. I am realizing it is the emotion that empowers my writing and raises the level of my craft a notch or two. (I am young as a writer, so to those who’ve been writing for a while and are saying something like “duh,” please indulge my naivete.) It’s more difficult to write chapters like this one, but the result is worth the increased effort.

With this in mind, I have decided to write an open letter to my wife. It is a love letter. Every letter of it. Every punctuation mark. Sorry for the self-indulgence, but I am feeling particularly romantic right now and feel my wife deserves this. She knows I am totally open about myself and our love, and though I know she will be slightly embarrassed I put this out there for the world to see, she will also be proud. I expect it will make her cry. That’s okay. I’m crying right now as I think about what I will write.

My Dearest Lisa — my Lover — my Wife — my Desire in Human Form,

It’s odd that I am a writer but can never seem to express the depth of my love for you in words, but I will try.

Imagine you are standing on the ocean’s shore. You are looking out at the water. The water you can see is the surface only. There is quite a bit of surface in view. You think it is an abundance of water. But that vastness of the ocean’s surface is the love you can comprehend only. The love I feel is all of the water beneath the surface. It is the incomprehensible part of the ocean. It represents the depth of my feeling for you. You cannot see the water beneath that surface, but you know it is there. You cannot conceive its abundant depth. Compared to what you can see and understand of the vastness of that ocean, the water beneath the surface makes that surface seem minuscule in comparison. That water beneath is my love for you when compared to the love you can understand.

Now, it is night. Darkness enfolds you. The city lights are far away, and the night sky is painted with countless points of light that glimmer and wink at you. Again, there are too many stars to count, but there are more out there you cannot see. All of them are part of our own galaxy, but there are more galaxies out there than there are visible stars you see. And each galaxy has billions of stars. Billions. Like the water beneath the ocean’s surface, the stars in all the galaxies of the universe are a part of the true measure of my love when compared to the love you can understand — those visible stars.

Not only that, but you can also see one star that is so distant and faint you can barely make it out. It teases you with its seeming nearness and tininess. It is so far away that the light you see was cast forth from that star long before Columbus sailed and discovered a new world for the unaware people of so-called civilization to explore. Yet that distance represents what you understand of my love for you. The distance to the farthest galaxy represents the enormity of my love.

Now add all of these ideas together. That is how much I love you. Or at least it comes close.

I am not saying you cannot comprehend my love for you while I can. The truth is I can’t comprehend it any more than you. Like you, all I can do is feel it. I am saying that grasping the meaning of such a measurement is an impossible task for anyone to undertake because even if it were measured, the full meaning behind that measurement would be incapable of being understood, like the amount of whole numbers when counting. No matter how high a computer can count, there is always that number plus one. The infinite range of numbers, the distance to the farthest galaxy, the unbelievable number of stars in the universe, the tremendous amount of water in the ocean below the surface we see — these are all totally incomprehensible to the human mind.

Like my love for you.

Cheryl

I hope this isn’t too self-indulgent. I am just a girl in love. Forgive me if you found reading it was a waste of your time. Writing it wasn’t a waste of mine.

 

28 Comments on Realizations about Writing and Love

  1. LisaMT says:

    I am speechless. Yes, I am also crying. I LOVE YOU, CHERYL!!!!!!

    I think we’re going to be busy the rest of the day.

  2. You have no need to ask forgiveness, dear Cheryl, nor to apologize for anything. This is utterly beautiful. It made me cry. Thank you so much for sharing it with us. ❤

  3. Evan says:

    I love the emotion that is present in your writing, and love the letter to your sweet and sexy wife, Lisa – I hope you are busy with her for the rest of the day 😉 Wish I had that connection here… keep enjoying each other, your writing, and life!!

  4. Poppabear or PoppaClyde2 says:

    Beautiful, Cheryl, simply beautiful.

  5. Lily says:

    Cheryl, I can only hope that one day a lovely woman will write such things about me, or that I’ll be inspired by her to write so beautifully. I just wanna reach through this screen and hug you! You made me, Lisa and NM cry! And Lisa, go on and take her; we won’t mind 🙂

  6. Cheryl says:

    Thank you all for your comments, and I hope many more appear in the days to come. Lisa and I ended up cuddling and making love all day, with occasional breaks to catch our breath. Mostly, we lay in bed talking when we were not making love. The housework will wait, as will the other tasks we thought were important to complete today. We both had the day off, and I wanted to make it a day to remember.

    I may have succeeded. I know I will remember it until memory leaves me.

    To say I am satisfied — emotionally, spiritually, and sexually — would be an understatement as vast as the ocean I describe in this blog post. I am sore in some places in fact. But that is fine. Better sore than wanting more, I always say. Lisa is asleep right now. I think she is sore as well.

    Live, love, and do what makes you happy as long as it doesn’t make others unhappy. I am so…fulfilled right now. Isn’t love grand?

  7. Katie says:

    Expressing your love is always a difficult enterprise when you try to do it in words. I write, I know how inadequate my written expression becomes when it is used to show and enumerate my feelings. You have no reason to feel self-indulgent, it is a beautiful and necessary effort, and one that should be shared as widely as possible.

    Katie

  8. JetBoy says:

    Love is a mighty force, Cheryl, and your passion and commitment are a living testament to that awesome power. May it glow brightly between you and Lisa for always. <3

  9. Debbie says:

    That was so beautiful

  10. harlequin says:

    Thanks for sharing this, Cheryl <3 <3 <3

  11. Poppabear or PoppaClyde2 says:

    Oh, Cheryl! I can’t resist this.

    ” I am sore in some places in fact.”

    Too much information, Babes.

    You know we love everything you write. We know it always comes straight from your heart.

  12. Cheryl says:

    Thank you all for your comments and support! I am finally accepting the idea I deserve to be happy. I just never thought I would be this happy!

    And Poppabear, you KNOW I leave little to the imagination! 🙂

  13. ross says:

    Cheryl, You have passion. Likely a nice girl. Don’t quit

  14. JetBoy says:

    Cheryl, there may be a certain percentage of people in this world who don’t deserve to be happy… but believe me, a sweet soul like you ain’t one of ’em. 🙂

  15. kim says:

    “Love is never having to say you’re sorry.”

    I need to start watching movies from this century I guess.

  16. Deanna says:

    Cheryl, there is no one more deserving than you to be happy in love.
    I will be be your fan for life…Deanna…

  17. Cheryl says:

    Thanks to you all, especially my dear friend, Deanna, who has a character named for her in my “Daughter of a Porn Star” series. I love you!

    Cheryl

  18. CaptainMidnight says:

    Cheryl, if you ever write the full story of how you and Lisa found love with each other, I’d really like to read it.

  19. Cheryl says:

    Captain, I will think about that. 🙂

  20. Lily says:

    I second Captain’s idea. I think that’d be a wonderful and beautiful story.

  21. Cheryl says:

    I will have to discuss it with Lisa, and I’m in the middle of tying up some of my other series right now, so it will be a while, perhaps as long as a year before I can get to that, but we’ll see.

  22. CaptainMidnight says:

    Definitely discuss it with Lisa and decide what you want to do. What can be more intimate than writing about how you met and fell in love with your wife? But then again, what can be more heartwarming?

  23. CaptainMidnight says:

    It must be sometime near your birthday, and I hope you and your wife will have a special day together. Probably every day is special to you two, but I hope you grow and stay in love.

  24. Cheryl says:

    Actually, we took a four-day weekend! We just got back today, and I must return to work tomorrow (Lisa as well).

  25. Rick says:

    I disagree about an intimate story of your having met your wife, Lisa. It seems to me it would be like giving away the intimate knowledge of yourself and your loved one. As a writer you deal in a largely fictional world of fantasy and to mix that talent by opening up the real life story that belongs to you two alone, seems to cheapen that privacy. You wouldn’t open your and Lisa’s legs for the world to see in real life, why would you give up the information that only two now know? I love your writings….R

  26. Cheryl says:

    Rick, thank you for writing this. I’m glad you like my writings.

    I don’t believe I have or would cheapen my relationship with Lisa. First, I would never write anything that involves her and publish it online without her permission. Second, I share the intimacies to show that love is a beautiful thing, even when it is real life and not fictional love. I openly and happily love my wife, and she openly and happily loves me. She loves that I share our experiences online. She also loves that I often fictionalize our relationship in my stories, such as in “Nanny for a Night.” We are both exhibitionists in our own way. And to be honest, we have each flashed in public, so actually, yes we would open our legs for the world to see.

    Furthermore, the fact that I have a life separate from the life of Cheryl Taggert (Taggert is NOT my last name) makes it easier to tell about my real life experiences. I am a teacher of 7th grade English/Language Arts, and if the real world found out about my alter-ego, my life would be destroyed.

    Now, all that said, any story involving how the two of us met in real life would be fictionalized quite heavily anyway. The truth is we met in college at a party and hit it off. Our first sexual encounter was good, but no better than most people’s in real life. There was some awkwardness on both our parts. Both of us were experienced with lesbian sex, but I have to say it wasn’t all skyrockets and champagne. We ended up laughing about it later, in fact. Finally, we broke up for a while and didn’t get back together again until last year, so our relationship has not been without its problems. We are very happy together now, and that’s what matters.

  27. Kenzie Bauer says:

    I have not yet read all of your writings Cheryl, but your “wordsmanship” (say what??) has always impressed me. As wonderful as all those I have read are, this is by far the most beautiful, poignant, soul touching, no caressing, of them all. I always struggle to express the depth and enormity of my love for my dearest Brenda. Ours is a very unconventional love, beside being lesbians. She is 38 and I recently turned 18. Besides that she is currently still married to a man who has chosen to let us be together and go his own way. They agreed to divorce when their 10 year old daughter can accept it, which is becoming more of a possibility now. Add to that the fact that Brenda is my mommas younger sister and you can see the incongruity of our love. For these reasons, I feel Brenda doubts that my love for her will last. I think she feels very insecure in our relationship, and it is so very difficult to convince her that she is wrong. I tell her every day and night how much I adore her (I have for years), telling and reassuring her that I will be here when she awakens every morning for the rest of our lives, and will be here to kiss and cuddle and hold her good every night of our lives. Your letter to your Lisa said so beautifully and eloquently what I wish to tell my Brenda. I read it to her, and held her while she cried and told me over and over how much she loves me. And by the way, my own father reacted much as yours did, but has not disowned me as yet. He is more angry at Brenda, which causes me terrible anguish. She didn’t make me fall in love with her after all. My momma is totally accepting of it which surprises me but makes me very happy. Again, thank you and our very best to you and your beloved Lisa. Kenzie and Brenda (Bauer some day).

    • Cheryl says:

      Thank you for sharing that, Kenzie. That was beautiful. I’m sad your father reacted badly, but I’m equally surprised your mother is okay with what happened. Perhaps she has her own past with her sister. As I’ve stated frequently, that happens far more often than “polite” society thinks it does. Most of the time the sisters grow out of it, attributing it to adolescent curiosity and availability. Perhaps that happened between your mother and her younger sister.

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