Juicy Secrets Forbidden Tales of Lesbian Love

by Rachael Yukey

Wednesday, October 4th, 2006

Wednesday is my favorite school day, because A.L. is way more fun than regular school. And now it’s even better, because Julie and I get to spend so much time together on the bus. I wish I didn’t live out of town. Town kids get to walk or ride their bikes to each other’s houses, but no way are my folks going to let me ride my bike on the highway.

I know I haven’t made an entry in over a week, but I don’t think I’m going to write every day unless something big is going on. Besides, I’ve been pretty busy. Mom spent three nights at Grandma’s which is the longest ever, and guess who got to keep the house clean? Here’s a hint: it wasn’t Dad! They told me it was just a visit but I’m not dumb. I can tell they’re still pretty mad at each other. I don’t get it. My parents are the most Christian people I know, so how come they have such a hard time forgiving?

I talked to Julie about it on the bus today, which is the first time I ever told anybody. Usually when I talk about Mom’s visits to Grandma I just repeat whatever lies my parents tell me, but having a best friend means you can be honest about stuff like that, right? So I told her everything. About halfway through she took my hand, squeezed it, and didn’t let go. She was still holding it when I ran out of stuff to say.

“Do you think they’re going to get divorced?” she asked.

That was something I’d just plain never thought about, so I had to kick it around in my head before I answered. “I don’t think so. The Bible says divorce is a sin, and they won’t go against the Bible on anything. But you know something? I think a lot of people do it anyway. Tons of people at my church have been divorced. And you know what else? I think my parents might even be happier if they got divorced! All they do anymore is fight.”

I was close to crying. Julie squeezed my hand tighter.

“My parents got divorced,” she said. “I was really sad when it happened, but it really did make things way better. I didn’t understand how messed up my mom is till we weren’t living together anymore.”

“What’s wrong with your mom?”

“Lots of stuff,” she said. “She has depression, and it made it really hard for her to take care of me. It got really bad when Dad went back out on tour after I was born, and she started taking stuff to make it easier. Now she’s a drug addict, so she goes to a bunch of rehabs and treatments and stuff.”

“Do you get to see her a lot?”

“Not right now,” said Julie. She sounded sad for the first time since I’ve known her. “She lives in Minneapolis. When she was doing good, she got visitation and Dad would drive me down there to stay with her every other weekend. But then she started doing drugs again and the judge says she can only see me supervised. And it’s not all weekend, just for a few hours every other Saturday. Dad is driving me down this weekend for it.”

Now there were tears in Julie’s eyes. I squeezed her hand. She took off her glasses, wiped her face, and gave me a sad smile.

“It’s okay,” she said. “I miss her, but she’s really better to visit than to live with. I just wish it could be more often.”

We were pulling up to the school by then, so that ended the conversation.

I don’t know why the idea of Mom and Dad getting divorced never occurred to me. Lots of married couples break up nowadays, and my folks sure do act like they’re fed up with each other. I wonder if they’ve ever thought about divorce? I’m not sure how I’d feel. At least they wouldn’t be fighting all the time, but who would I live with? And where would Mom go? She’s never, ever had a job or lived alone. The more I think about it, the scarier it sounds. But I don’t think they will. The Bible says being married is forever.

On the ride back, me and Julie talked about how we can get together more often outside of school. She thinks that her dad would be happy to drive her to my house whenever she wants to go, and my mom drives into town to do stuff at the church almost every day, so I could probably hitch a ride with her.

“You’re gonna be gone on Saturday, is that right?” I asked.

“Yeah, I’ve got my time with Mom. Dad is gonna drop me off at the visitation center, then go rehearse with a band he’s filling in for next month till it’s time to pick me up. The visit is four hours and it’s like over two hours to drive there, so we’ll be gone all day.”

“Well…” I hesitated. I knew she didn’t want to talk about religion, but this wasn’t really the same thing. “There’s a pizza party for kids at my church Sunday at 12:30. We don’t do religious stuff; we just eat pizza and hang out. There’s pool tables and games and a CD player in the church basement. Wanna come?”

“Am I allowed to, even though I don’t go to church there?”

“Yeah! They want you to. They’re always telling us to invite our friends to stuff like this. The idea is that if you have fun it’ll make you want to come to church. I don’t think it works, though. I really like the pizza parties and ice cream socials, but I hate church.”

Julie seemed surprised to hear me say that. Actually, so was I. I’d never told ANYONE how I really felt about going to church.  “Really?”

“Yeah, it’s pretty boring. But the pizza party will be fun. Want to come?”

“Sure! I’ll ask my dad,” she said. “I bet he’ll let me.”

“Cool! Just don’t eat any lunch before you come. There’ll be tons of pizza, and some of the church ladies will probably bake cookies or something for later.”

That settled that, but there’s one more thing on my mind. I haven’t even talked to Julie about it. I can’t stop thinking about what we heard the night I stayed at her house, and how it made me feel. I’m not exactly sure what Lisa was doing, but just thinking about what I THINK was happening makes me feel that way all over again. Every night when I lie down, I close my eyes and have visions of Lisa putting her hands all over herself, even on her private parts, and making herself feel so good that she made all that noise. It makes me feel tingly, it makes me breathe funny, and it makes me all warm down between my legs. I feel like I really need something but I don’t know what it is.

I want to find out more about master baiting, but who would I ask? I bet I could find out on the internet, but I never get to be on it except at school where they’re watching everything we look up.

Ugh! I wish I could figure out what to do. I hate not knowing stuff!

 

Saturday, October 7th, 2006

Mom and Dad are fighting again. This is the worst I’ve ever heard. They’re downstairs absolutely howling at each other. Dad changed our TV package to basic cable, and Mom is just flipping her lid. Dad is telling her that we can’t afford all these extras we don’t need.

That’s always how it starts, something about money… but then it goes all over the place. Dad complains about her making microwave food instead of really cooking, so Mom screams about Dad never fixing anything around the house. Dad says she could fix it herself and I’ll believe THAT when I see it. The last time Mom got hold of a screwdriver, she almost put it through her hand!

Tonight it’s even worse. Dad just called Mom a fake Christian who puts on a good show at church but is slothful and unloving at home, then she told him off for ignoring his family and hiding out in his workshop even when he’s not doing any work. Every word both of them are saying is true.

Wow… they’re having a real screamfest. Do they really think I can’t hear it?

Okay, Dad just called mom a REALLY nasty word. I’ve never heard him use that kind of language before, not ever. I should be freaking out about this but I just feel, I don’t know, sort of numb.

I wish I was at Julie’s house right now! Or anywhere else. But it’s okay, I’ll get to see her tomorrow after church. It’ll make the pizza party way more fun!

 

Monday, October 9th, 2006

Holy crow, did things ever go crazy yesterday after church! Mom and Dad were already pretty grumpy in the morning but they weren’t noisy about it. They just sort of avoided talking to each other. We had breakfast and got dressed, then I practiced piano for a little while before we left.

I wonder when I’m going to get cut off from piano lessons because it’s too much money? I hope not soon, I like playing piano. But stopping my lessons wouldn’t be the end of the world. I can sit and play stuff I hear on TV commercials or the radio. Mom hates it when I do that… says it’s not proper. Whatever. It’s getting hard to practice anymore anyway, because the piano is in the living room and she always wants the TV on.

Sunday School and church were the same old boring stuff, but after the service I put on my jacket and waited outside for Julie. It’s getting really cold now, and windy too.

Julie showed up on foot. She probably figured it was too windy for biking to be any good. She waved and yelled “Hey!” when she saw me waiting at the top of the church steps.

“Hi, Julie!” I yelled, waving back. She ran up the steps, and we hugged. I led her into the building, and boy was it nice to get out of that wind. Right away she was chattering about the ride to Minneapolis and the visit with her mom. Apparently it’s going to be awhile before she sees her again because she’s going to be doing rehab in another state, but at least they had a fun visit.

We hung up our coats while she talked, and then I led her downstairs. The church basement is a huge open space with a big kitchen at the far end from the stairs. It’s always kind of musty and damp smelling down there, but it’s a cool place. The littler kids get to run around just about as much as they want, and for those of us that are a bit older there are games, puzzles, books to read, two pool tables, a foosball table, a couple of old pinball machines that only work about half the time, and a small stereo with a CD player. The CDs they have are mostly Christian rock, which I don’t like very much, but there are also a few regular rock discs too. Some of those are pretty good. A bunch of long tables are set up down by the kitchen end.

“Wow!” Julie exclaimed. “This is wicked!”

I giggled. “Don’t let any of the adults hear you calling it that. It’s supposed to be like a holy sacred place.”

Julie grinned. “Whoops, sorry!”

I introduced Julie around as we ran into other people. The kids in our grade she already knew, but not so much some of the others. The pizza showed up a few minutes later, and we all clustered around the tables. I grabbed a couple slices of supreme and Julie went for one pepperoni and one sausage. We sat together and talked about this and that. I wanted to talk about the fight my parents had the night before, but I wasn’t going to get into that in the church basement with lots of kids I knew hanging around.

After we were so stuffed we couldn’t eat another bite, Julie challenged me to a game of foosball. As it turned out she’s just about as bad at the game as I am, and I’m pretty bad… but it was fun. After that we went through the stacks of games and decided to go for Mousetrap. We were still getting it set up when everything went bananas.

Jared Torgleson, who’s a grade ahead of us in school, came charging down the stairs. “Hey, Mallory,” he called out. “You gotta come see! Your mom and dad are going ballistic on each other right out in the parking lot!”

I forgot all about the game. I went running pell-mell up the stairs, with Julie right behind me. When I got to the parking lot my parents were standing almost nose to nose, screaming at each other at the top of their lungs while everybody just stood off to the side and stared. Before I even got close enough to hear what they were saying over the wind, Mom smacked Dad across the face.

He drew himself all the way up and stepped towards her, and she took a step backwards. She couldn’t go any farther because she was backed up against our Explorer. I was standing frozen at the edge of the lot. I’m not sure what would have happened, but just a second later it was over. Somebody had called the cops.

We only have three police officers in our town, and only the chief is full time. None of them is actually on duty Sundays; they just take turns being on call. Officer Felter must have been the on-call cop yesterday, because she came barreling into the parking lot in her own pickup. When she got out I saw she was wearing regular clothes, but she had her gun strapped on.

Officer Felter is one of the part-timers, and she also runs a dog grooming business. The adults all just call her Abby. She’s, I think, around Jason’s age, she’s divorced, and has a daughter a couple of years older than me and Julie. She’s very muscular… I think she must work out, but she always dresses really feminine when she’s not wearing her uniform. She has dark brown hair and huge boobs. Today she was wearing stylish black slacks and a pretty purple blouse. I think the only reason I noticed right away is cause her gunbelt looked really funny with her clothes.

She pulled in right behind the Explorer, and when she got out of the truck Dad whirled around and snapped, “Stay out of this, Abby. It’s none of your business!”

“You’re causing a ruckus in a public place, Dan,” she told him, her arms folded. “That makes it my business. Talk like that to me again and I’ll cite you for public disturbance. Now what exactly is going on?”

I’m not going to go into the whole thing. Officer Felter had to tell Mom and Dad both to shut up a couple of times. She didn’t care what the argument was about, or who was right or wrong. Chief Moen showed up a few minutes into it, also driving his own vehicle and wearing street clothes. He’s a short, roundish guy with a big bushy mustache. He’s usually totally cheerful and always has candy or something for the kids, but he wasn’t looking very cheerful then.

That’s what really made it all real for me, the look on the police chief’s face. I started breaking down. Julie had been standing next to me the whole time, and she put her arm around me and pulled me close. That’s all it took… I started sobbing.

Chief Moen heard, and turned his head towards me. “Somebody get her out of here,” he said. A couple of older ladies who were standing together got themselves moving, and started guiding me back towards the church. I didn’t mind, I wanted to go inside. I’d left my coat in the building, and I was freezing.

Julie was shivering, too. She came with us, her arm still around me. One of the ladies tried to separate us.“Maybe it’s better if you stay here, sweetheart,” she told Julie.

“NO!” I almost yelled. “I want her to stay with me.”

By the time we got inside I was already not really crying anymore, just sniffling. The sad was going away and I was starting to get mad. This is so stupid, I was thinking. I’m so sick of it. What’s the matter with them?

The ladies brought us into one of the little rooms upstairs. I think sometimes the church people do counseling and stuff like that in them. All it had was a worn-out office chair, a love seat, and a small table. We both sat down on the love seat, and Julie put her arms around me. We’ve only been friends for a few weeks, and I think she already loves me better than my parents do.

“Do you need us to stay with you?” one of the ladies asked in a kind voice. Now that my brain was working, I saw it was Ellen Fitzgerald, who runs the nursery that looks after little kids during the church service

“I’ll be okay with my friend here,” I said.

“Okay, honey.” They left.

Julie and I didn’t talk right away. She just held me, and I held her back. After a few minutes, Mrs. Fitzgerald brought us a plate of cookies, ruffled my hair, and left again.

We munched cookies for a couple of minutes, still not talking. I didn’t want to discuss this just yet, and I was glad Julie understood that. There was a tap at the door, it opened, and Jason Hanson stepped in. He was wearing a hoodie that said EMS in big letters.

“Daddy,” said Julie, sounding surprised. “What are you doing here?”

He patted the radio clipped to his belt. “I’m on call for the ambulance today, remember? I heard them dispatch law enforcement to the church for a domestic, and I figured I’d better come see if I needed to get you out of here.” His eyes shifted to me. “I’m sorry it’s your parents, Mallory. You okay, kiddo?”

“I think so,” I said. “Are my parents going to get arrested?”

I realized the idea of them going to jail didn’t even bother me that much; it would probably serve them both right! But where would I go?

Jason was shaking his head. “I don’t think so,” he said. “The chief’s writing your dad a citation for disturbing the peace, and that’s mostly because he keeps getting lippy with the cops. You know Jeff Moen. It takes a lot to make him mad, but when he does get pissed off you sure don’t want to be the one who caused it.”

I didn’t know that about Chief Moen… I’ve never seen him mad. I was a little surprised to hear somebody use the words “pissed off” inside the church.

“Listen, Mallory,” Jason said, “If ever you need to escape for awhile, our door is open. That includes overnight, even on school days if your parents will let you. If you need a ride, either myself or Lisa could pick you up.”

I gave him a grateful smile.“That’d be great,” I said, “But I don’t know if my folks will let it happen.”

There was another knock, and this time it was Officer Felter.

“I need a couple of minutes alone with Mallory,” she said. She must have seen something in my face, because she smiled at me. “Don’t worry, hon,” she said. “It’s no big deal, just a couple of easy questions. You’re not in any trouble.”

Jason reached down, took Julie’s hand, and pulled her to her feet. With his other hand he patted my shoulder.

“We’ll be right outside,” he told me. Julie squeezed my hand one more time, then they left the room.

“That looks like a pretty good friend you’ve got there,” Officer Felter said with a smile. She pulled the old office chair up close to the love seat and sat in it, facing me. I could smell her perfume, and it was really nice.

“She’s the best,” I told her.

“Good,” said Officer Felter. She looked straight into my eyes. She’s really pretty… how come I never noticed that before?

“I need to ask you a question, Mallory. It’s something the law says I have to ask when things like this happen, and it’s very important that you tell me the truth. Do you feel safe at home?”

“Yes,” I told her, and that was true. Sometimes I feel like my parents wouldn’t care if I fell off the face of the earth, but I don’t think either of them would ever hurt me.

“You never feel threatened in any way?”

“No.”

“Okay,” she said. “Do they fight a lot in front of you?”

“Not exactly,” I said. “They yell at each other a lot after I go to bed. I don’t see it, but I sure can hear it.”

“Thanks, Mallory,” she said. “Is there anything else you’d like to tell me?”

I thought about it a moment, then shook my head.

“Okay,” she said. “You know where to find me if there ever is.” She put her hand on my leg, squeezed, and gave me that nice smile again. It made my heart a little fluttery. Her eyes hadn’t left mine the whole time. Then she got up and opened the door.

Jason and Julie were waiting outside. As Officer Felter stepped out of the room, Jason put a hand on her arm and leaned close to her ear. I couldn’t understand what he was saying. She nodded to him, murmured something back, and left.

“I’m going to stick around for awhile,” said Jason. “You girls need me to sit in here with you, or would you rather talk alone without a nosy adult?”

Julie and I both giggled. “Get lost, nosy adult,” said Julie. “I got this, huh?”

They both laughed, while I tried not to die of shock. I could NEVER joke with my parents like that, they’d skin me alive. Jason leaned over, kissed her forehead, and closed the door behind him.

Julie sat back down, and I just started letting it all out, all about the fight last night and how tired of it I was and how I wished I could just be in a normal family that didn’t hate each other. She didn’t say much, just mostly sat there and held my hand while I talked.

A few minutes later the door opened again, and this time it was my father.

Julie stood up. “I’ll be in the hallway.” She scooted out of the room.

Dad sat down in the chair. “Listen, Mallory,” he said. “You know your mother and I love each other very much.”

I felt a crazy urge to shout Liar! You don’t even LIKE each other anymore! But there was no way I’d ever talk that way to my father, so instead I just nodded.

He didn’t even really look at me, just kept talking. “We’re committed to a… a Godly marriage, and to being Godly parents to you. We just have a few things to work out. It won’t take long. You understand that, right?”

I didn’t believe a word of it, but I nodded again.

“It was suggested… I mean… your mother and I think that maybe it would be a good idea for us to be alone this afternoon to talk. Officer Felter seemed to think Jason Hanson would be willing to let you stay at their house today, and that it would be good for you to be with your friend. I spoke to Jason, and he said that would be fine. Would you mind spending the rest of the day with the Hansons?”

I thought that sounded like the best idea ever, but I wasn’t dumb enough to let him know it. “That would be all right,” I said.

“Okay,” he said. “Why don’t you get your things, and you can go back with them. We’ll make sure to get you home before bedtime.”

You can leave me there forever, I thought… but I just nodded again. It was like I was one of those bobble head things that don’t do anything else.

“Okay, we’ll see you this evening,” he said. And just like that, Dad got up and left, leaving the door standing open. I realized the whole time he was there he never once even touched me. He never said he was sorry, either.

I followed him out. Julie was waiting there for me. “Let’s get our stuff,” I told her. “Sounds like I’m going to your house for the rest of the day, and I want to get out of here right now.”

“Yay!” said Julie.

We went down to the lobby and got our coats. As I was shrugging mine on, Jason came inside. “You ladies ready to amscray?” He asked.

“Like, yesterday!” I said.

“Riding with me or walking?”

We took the ride. It was cold out.

***

The clock on the wall said it was a little after two o’clock when we got to Julie’s house. I couldn’t believe that much time had gone by. Since I was last there Jason had put a door up for the new bathroom, and it was drywalled on the inside. The side facing us was still just framework with wire running through it. He must have done the electrical, too.

“Can I look in?” I asked.

“Sure,” Jason said, so I opened the door. The bathroom wasn’t big enough for a tub, so he’d put in a shower. The drywall was all up but he hadn’t done the finish yet. I tried the light switch, it worked. There was no sink or toilet yet but I could tell from the holes in the floor where they were going to go.

“Nice!” I said. “It’s gonna be great when you’re done.”

Jason chuckled. “It’ll be a bathroom, anyway,” he said. “Now look, ladies… Lisa is having dinner with her sisters and her mom and won’t be back until later this evening, and I’m on call. I’m planning on putting a duck in the oven around four, but you might have to do dinner if the ambulance rolls. Just the usual duck recipe, Julie, no surprises. Can you handle it?”

“No sweat, Dad,” she told him. “If I have to make dinner, do you care what I do for sides?”

“Whatever you like, kiddo.”

“Cool!”

I noticed in the living room a red keyboard on a stand with a piano stool in front of it, a big one with 88 keys. I was pretty sure it hadn’t been there last time I was over.

“Whose keyboard?” I asked.

“Oh, that’s Dad’s,” said Julie. “He had it boxed up out in the garage, but we brought it in because I like to play around on it sometimes. I’m not very good, but I like to try and play music I hear on the radio and stuff. It’s easier to do that with the piano than the guitar.”

“I like to do that, too,” I said. “But it really bugs my mom. She says if I don’t learn properly by reading the sheet music, it’s cheating.”

Jason snorted. “You just tell her you got it from a pro guitar player that if you can’t learn by ear, you’ll never do any real work in popular music,” he said. “Or maybe on second thought you’d better not tell her that. But it’s true. I think Julie mentioned that you take piano lessons. Wanna play something for us?”

I sat down on the stool and tried to think of what to play. Then my mind fixed on Life is a Highway, which kids at school had been listening to a lot. I hummed a bit to make sure I had the melody straight, sketched out the first chord with my left hand, and did an off-the-cuff instrumental version of that. It’s weird on a keyboard when you’re used to a piano, but it went okay.

Julie clapped when I was done, and Jason nodded his approval. “I’m guessing that’s not from your piano lessons,” he said.

“Nope,” I told him.

“Well, you’re a better keyboardist than I am, that’s for…”

His radio crackled and he stopped talking and held up his hand. We listened. It was a message for the police, not him, but it was something about a heroin overdose at a certain address. Before it was over, Jason was already going for his coat.

“That’s our service area,” he said. “Pager to go off in 5… 4…”

His pager blared. This time it WAS for him, with directions to respond to a possible overdose victim and an address to go to. He scribbled down the address, said “Bye, ladies,” and was gone.

“Holy cow,” I said. Julie shrugged.

“It’s scary the first few times, but you get used to it,” she said. “I’m hungry. Want a snack?”

While we were rooting around in the fridge we heard the ambulance siren start up, then fade out as it got further away from us. We found a fruit salad… one that somebody had made by cutting up real fruit instead of out of a can. We put some of it in bowls and went to the living room to eat.

“How long is he gonna be gone, do you think?” I asked.

“At least an hour and a half,” said Julie. “They have to drive to the scene, do whatever needs doing before they load the patient, and then the nearest emergency room is like a half hour away even if they’re going fast. If they have to do a lot of stuff at the scene or it’s a long drive to get to the patient, it might be more like two hours.”

“So what do you wanna do?”

Julie giggled. “You mean like, what rules should we break while there are no adults around?”

I laughed too. “That’s not what I meant, but okay!”

We both just sat there giggling for a few minutes.

“We could read to each other,” Julie suggested.

I snorted. “So much for rule-breaking,” I said. For some reason that struck us as funny, and we both got a fit of the giggles again.

“I didn’t say OUR books, silly,” said Julie through her laughter.

I was about to ask her what she meant, then realized that I already knew. “You mean… the books you were telling me about last time I was here?”

“Yeah! Lisa’s books. Want to?”

I caught my breath. Did I want to read the books with all the sex in them? I only had a pretty vague idea of how sex was even done, it’s not like something my parents are open about! Of course I was curious… and something else. The idea was exciting. Yes, I wanted to see what was in those books. I nodded my head.

Holy crow, it’s almost midnight! I REALLY want to write about what happened after Julie and I went upstairs to check out those books, but I’m gonna have to finish this tomorrow.

Soon to come: Chapter Four!