Juicy Secrets Forbidden Tales of Lesbian Love

Note from JetBoy: Here’s an attempt at erotic humor I cobbled together. It’s often true that a “funny, sexy story” tends to be neither of the above, but A) I kinda enjoyed this scrappy little tale anyhow, and B) I am utterly bereft of shame, so here it is. Please be kind.

By JetBoy

 

STERN ADVERTISING
INTEROFFICE MEMO
To: Alice Joy
From: Ron Meacham, VP
Date: 7/20/15
Re: Ruby Red ad campaign

Alice: Are you on laughing gas or something? Mitch and I got a look at your proposal for the Ruby Red Strawberries ad, and damn near had twin heart attacks on the spot.

You’re seriously suggesting that we run a full-pager in three different women’s magazines featuring hardcore lesbian pornography? Ha, ha, big laugh riot. PLEASE tell me this is some kind of crazy joke that you and Sandra cooked up after knocking back a few tall cool ones at the Alley Cat. Well, just so’s you know, April Fool’s Day was four goddamn months ago, and I’m not known for my robust sense of humor, okay?

I’m assuming that you people have the REAL ad layout salted away somewhere… at least you’d better, because I want it on my desk bright and early Wednesday morning. Jesus, you guys.

Ron

 

STERN ADVERTISING
INTEROFFICE MEMO
To: Ron Meecham, VP
From: Alice Joy, Advertising
Date: 7/20/15
Re: Ruby Red Strawberries

Ron: It’s no joke — we are deadly serious about this ad campaign. I’m sure you’re thinking that we’ve flipped our respective lids, but hear me out, okay?

First, I’m sorry we gave you and Mitch such a jolt. I wanted to break it to you gently, explain our concept while you were dazed from the surprise of it all. But Sandra wanted the idea to hit you hard, the way we expect the ad to hit in the marketplace, and I finally went along with her plan to send the copy to you with no explanation.

Secondly, there IS a method to our madness. With all due respect, etc., I doubt that you guys up in the exec suites read many newspaper or magazine articles about “women’s issues” — that’s for the interns in Research, right? — but Sandra and I do, and we’ve been following some VERY interesting trends in women’s sexuality.

First, more women than ever before are either exploring sex with other women, fantasizing about doing so or at least curious about experimenting. And these numbers get considerably higher for younger women or teenage girls — and that’s one of the main demographics Ruby Red wanted us to capture, right? Mitch was specific on that point.

Basically, lesbian sex is extremely trendy these days. More and more female celebrities are coming out as gay, intimate relations between women — both casual and romantic — have practically become a staple of network and cable TV, and most importantly, we’re seeing hints of lesbianism showing up more and more in advertising.

For example, have you seen the Chobani Yogurt ad, the one featuring two naked women in bed, clearly right after having sex? If not, take a minute to check this out.

I have stats from Grollier and Finchley concerning the focus group who viewed this ad before it ran — and believe me, Sandra had to pull some major strings to lay hands on these numbers. The results were a real eye-opener, let me tell you. Nearly all the women responded positively, and the younger ones were off the charts in terms of approval — seventy-eight percent claimed to be more interested in purchasing Chobani Yogurt. In fact, it tended to get thumbs-up from a good sampling of the men as well — though not as many, interestingly enough.

We’ve got plenty more studies on matters sexual to back us up, but the crux of our argument is simple enough: sex between women has enormous selling potential that remains mostly untapped. Sandra and I are looking to tap that — pun very much intended!

I’m sure that our campaign might sound crazy to you and Mitch, but believe me — this is cutting edge media content that will get Ruby Red noticed.

Alice

 

STERN ADVERTISING
INTEROFFICE MEMO
To: Alice Joy
From: Ron Meacham, VP
Date: 7/21/15
Re: Ruby Red ad campaign

Alice: “Cutting edge,” that’s what you’re calling this? Maybe you ought to take a minute to consider what else cutting edges are good for — namely, slicing throats. Which may well be what happens to ANYONE crazy enough to take an ad campaign like this to a well-heeled sponsor like Ruby Red. Those heels will be planted right in our collective gluteus maximus, kiddo.

Look, I understand that the sight of two chicks getting down and dirty together gets a lot of folks hot and bothered. Hell, I enjoy a good girl/girl scene as much as any two-fisted guy when I unwind in front of the laptop after a long day in the bullpen. Nonetheless, hardcore pornography does not a successful ad campaign make.

Do you really want to get the God-botherers and Bible-thumpers on the warpath against Ruby Red — or even worse, us? Listen, I had to deal with those yahoos before you were in grade school, back when they were having fits about “scantily-clad models” in Maidenform bra ads. Believe me, they are crazier than a bag of snakes, and considerably more willing to sink their fangs into your neck.

If you girls want to play around with lesbian content, be my guest — but, Jesus Christ on a crystal meth binge, deploy a little subtlety about it. No beaver shots, no cunnilingus, and damn it, no stuffing our client’s product into wet vaginas. We love you and Sandra to bits, but this is a bridge too far.

I hope to hell you two have a backup campaign, because we need results yesterday. However, being the generous guy that God made me, you’ve got until Friday. Jump on this pronto and have something usable in my hands by then, or I won’t be responsible for my actions.

Ron

 

STERN ADVERTISING
INTEROFFICE MEMO
To: Ron Meecham, VP
From: Alice Joy, Advertising
Date: 7/24/15
Re: Ruby Red Strawberries

Ron: There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just come out with it. You can consider this my letter of resignation from Stern Advertising. Sandra is leaving too, though she’ll be writing a letter of her own as well. We are starting our own agency, one taking a more woman-driven approach to the modern ad campaign.

Which leads me to another piece of bad news for you guys: when Sandra and I go, we’ll be taking the Ruby Red account with us.

I want you to know that it wasn’t easy for us to do, go behind the backs of you and Mitch — but we truly believed in our ad concept, so much so that I contacted Linda Marbury to share what we had. Not sure if you’ve ever met Linda, but the last name should sound familiar. Yep, she’s the daughter of Ken Marbury, the owner and main shareholder of Ruby Red Strawberries… and the company VP. Sandra and I met up with her last Friday.

To make a long story short, Linda absolutely adored our campaign, and more or less laid claim to it on the spot, drawing up a contract on a cocktail napkin. After dinner, she insisted on taking Sandra and me to her Manhattan loft, giving us a lift in her limousine. On the way, we stopped at the Union Market, where Linda picked up a couple of pounds of Ruby Reds in the eight-ounce trays.

I won’t mince words about what happened when Sandra and I got to Linda’s place. First, she insisted that we strip down and join her in this stadium-size jacuzzi, accompanied by a big pitcher of Manhattans. After a while, the three of us were quite relaxed and very tingly.

When we got out, Linda told us not to bother getting dressed, and produced three beautiful silk kimonos from a nearby cupboard for us to wear instead. After that, she led us through a side door, which turned out to lead to a very spacious bedroom.

Did I mention that Linda brought the packages of strawberries along? Well, once we were in her room, Sandra and I were sneaking puzzled looks at each other, wondering what on earth this woman was up to. Then she came right out with it: her intention was for the three of us to “have some fun” with those strawberries. “Just like in those lovely photographs you showed me,” she said with a smile, opening the packages and pouring the fruit into a large yellow ceramic bowl.

I guess you can imagine that we were taken aback, to say the least! I’d never had sex with another woman, and Sandra’s only experience, she told me later, was a bit of making out with a girl in college, when she’d had a few pina coladas too many at a frat party.

My initial impulse was to politely refuse, grab Sandra and our clothes and haul freight out of there. But then I paused to mull the idea over, and was surprised to realize that it seemed… well, rather inviting. I guess the drinks, our long soak in the jacuzzi and looking through lots of pictures of sexy naked women had me in a more receptive frame of mind. Besides, Linda Marbury is an extremely attractive lady, and everyone at the firm knows what a babe Sandra is, right?

Stealing a glance at Sandra, I could tell right away that she was completely into Linda’s suggestion. Then she looked at me… and I saw something in her eyes, something warm and wild that stole my breath away. Right then I knew that yes, whatever was about to happen, I wanted to be part of it!

First Linda shrugged out of her kimono and stood naked before us, and gently asked Sandra and me to do the same. Then we spent some time studying each other’s bodies — admiring, comparing, teasing, getting relaxed with one another, sharing casual touches that gradually became less and less casual.

Gazing soulfully into my eyes, Linda whispered, “You’re a lovely woman, Alice… may I kiss you?”

Staring back at this beautiful, classy lady, I seemed to be falling into her soul. I felt her desire warming me from head to toe, enveloping my body like a cozy blanket.

I was helpless, unable to refuse. All I could do was nod and stammer, “Yes… I — I think I’d like that.”

Drawing close, taking me in her arms, Linda gently pressed her lips to mine.

I thought I knew what it would feel like — still, the softness of her mouth astonished me. Like a whisper of silk against bare skin, like the first touch of the morning sun, like a sip of hot chocolate after romping in the snow. When Linda sucked briefly at my lower lip, my mouth yielded, inviting her tongue inside to spar with mine.

It was like no kiss I’d ever had. Or maybe it was the way I’d always dreamed a kiss could be, without even knowing it. Without a thought, I began to respond to Linda with a passion I hadn’t felt in years.

Then I felt a warm, bare body pressing against mine from behind. I was startled for a moment, then realized that Sandra was embracing me, her lips brushing my shoulder.

Surprised, I turned to face her — and before I could speak, Sandra’s lips were on mine, her tongue in my mouth.

Once again, I felt myself succumb to the newly-discovered pleasure of kissing another woman. Only this time, it was my co-worker and best friend! Somehow, though, it didn’t matter. I was in love with the moment, with her. I wrapped both arms around Sandra and clutched her to me, our breasts, bellies and vulvas pressing tightly together.

The next thing I remember is Linda guiding us over to this big, beautiful bed decked with pink sheets, the three of us climbing onto it. Our hostess placed the bowl of strawberries before us, then reached in for a piece of one. That’s when the fun really got started.

She placed the chunk of strawberry in her teeth, then leaned in to offer it to Sandra, who met Linda’s mouth with hers. They passed it back and forth with their tongues, sharing the fruit in a kiss. Linda finally offered it up to Sandra, then she put another piece in her mouth and turned to me.

We carried on like that for a while, exchanging tart, juicy kisses that grew increasingly passionate. Sandra and I tried to keep from staining the sheets, but Linda waved a dismissive hand. “I’ll have them cleaned tomorrow,” she said.

Then we began to eat the strawberries from each other’s bodies — chins, shoulders, necks, breasts, bellies, then lower still. When Linda knelt between my parted thighs, a glistening piece of fruit held between two fingers, I shivered with anticipation for what was to come.

Sure enough, she slipped the chunk of strawberry between my labia, then pressed her mouth to me and sucked it free. My God, it felt incredible.

“Mmmm,” Linda purred. “It tastes even better with a hint of pussy.” She kissed me to prove it, and I had to agree – the mingled flavors on her lips and tongue were delicious!

At that point, our little gathering became an all-out lesbian fuckfest.

I felt an irresistible urge to go down on Sandra, so I grabbed a few sliced berries, spread her out and did just that. I was very into the idea anyway, but have to say that the literal act of cunnilingus was even better than I’d expected. Sandra loved it, too – she was squirming and bucking beneath me, calling my name again and again.

Suddenly Linda’s hands on my ass, spreading me open while I continued to pleasure Sandra. Deftly tucking a strawberry between my cheeks, she scooped it up with her tongue, then got into licking my anus. I’d never had a guy do that for me before, and it felt divine.

Even though I’d never eaten pussy until then, somehow I instinctively knew what to do. I guess it really is true that no one knows how to please a woman like another woman. Before two minutes had gone by Sandra was coming, her body bucking so wildly that she nearly threw me off the bed. My mouth and chin were dripping with her luscious essence when I finally pulled away.

The three of us fucked for hours, getting each other off again and again with mouths, fingers and tongues. Finally, we sprawled out on the damp sheets, utterly exhausted and very satisfied. Linda picked up some kind of remote from her nightstand and pushed a button, plunging the room into darkness. We exchanged a few gentle kisses, then I fell into a dreamless sleep.

The next morning felt a little awkward at first, but the sight of my naked bedmates had me purring with renewed arousal. We freshened ourselves up in Linda’s massive shower, brushed our teeth, then climbed right back into bed, hungry for more. Sandra and I stayed for the entire weekend, and didn’t put on a stitch of clothing until right before we left. Linda sent us off with kisses, her chauffeur taking us back to my place.

That’s the gist of it. You should be hearing from Ruby Red about closing the Stern account by this Friday. Again, we’re sorry about poaching your customer, but Linda is convinced that our approach is the right one for their ad campaign.

After reading the above, you probably won’t be surprised to learn that Sandra and I are now a couple, and we’ll be moving in together next month. It’s a bit strange and unexpected to fall in love with your best friend, but we’re both deliriously happy. We’ve been toying with the notion of getting married, so don’t be surprised if a box of wedding invitations turns up in the mail room!

Ron, I want to thank you personally for the amazing years I’ve had working for Stern. You took me on as a novice, showed me the ropes, had faith in me when I barely believed in myself. I learned the craft of advertising from you, and I’ll be forever grateful. But I’m feeling the need to spread my wings and make a name for myself, and this is my opportunity to do just that.

Okay, I know you hate it when things get sloppy, so I’ll bring this to a close before you burst into tears. Keep an eye out for the scrappy new ad agency on the block. Athena Advertising: Powered by Lesbians. (How’s that for a catchy slogan?)

See you guys at the Clio Awards!

Alice

P.S. Sandra is blowing you a kiss, Ron. She says to apply it to your bald spot. 😉

 

STERN ADVERTISING
INTEROFFICE MEMO
To: All staff
From: Ron Meacham, VP
Date: 7/25/15
Re: Ruby Red ad campaign

Well, how do you like them apples? Yeah, I’m pissed about losing Ruby Red, but I can’t help but wish Alice and Sandra all the best. They’re good kids, much as it annoys me to admit it.

What about that memo of Alice’s, eh? I knew she was a whiz at composing top-notch ad copy, but never suspected that pornography was among her talents. If her agency ends up screwing the pooch, I predict a rosy future for her turning out film scripts for Adult Time.

Now that the dust has settled, I have to admit that I’ve been reconsidering the girls’ approach to the Ruby Red campaign. Sure, their ad concept had my ulcer at Defcon 1 when it first crossed my desk… but now I’m beginning to suspect there might, just might be some potential there.

And that brings me to an angle I want to try for the pitch we’ll be making soon to TropiGold Bananas. Can you guys draw up something similar to Alice’s and Sandra’s approach, only tailored to gay men? Those guys tend to eat healthy in general, right? Also, we could do a great tie-in with gay bars. (Brian: get me a list of mixed drinks that use bananas by noon tomorrow.)

It’s bold, uncharted territory… but what the hell, let’s run this idea up the flagpole and see if we can raise a few salutes. Ideas to hit my desk by Tuesday. Peckers up, guys!

The End