Juicy Secrets Forbidden Tales of Lesbian Love

by Rachael Yukey

I told Julie about my conversation with Mom as I got into my pajamas, trying to hide how unhappy I felt about having to go home the next day. It made me feel guilty, like I wasn’t being a good daughter. I think Julie kinda sensed my mood, though.

We got into bed, and she put her arms around me and held me. “I’m glad your dad is okay,” she finally said.

“Yeah, me too,” I said. “I was so scared when I thought he was gonna die. But… I’m not in a hurry for him to come home, either. Is that weird?”

Julie was silent for a long moment, looking up at the ceiling, then she turned to me.

“When I was eight, my dad went on a three-month tour of Europe,” she said. “Really famous band, big money, you know? He promised before he left that he was going to be home more after that, ‘cause of all the money he was gonna make. So it was just me and Mom in this apartment in St. Paul. It was summer, so I wasn’t in school.

“After Dad left, she started watching a baby who belonged to this lady downstairs, so the kid’s mom could go to work. She said having a baby to take care of would keep her from spiraling out—that’s what she called it when her depression got so bad she couldn’t think.”

Julie let go of me, rolled onto her back, and shook her head. “It didn’t work,” she said. “I think it made things worse… Mom couldn’t handle a little baby that always needed something. She’d get really frustrated and upset, and then she’d shut herself in her bedroom and lock the door. When that happened, I had to take care of the baby myself.

“Then one day, the baby got sick. He had a bunch of gunk in his throat and it was almost like he was choking on it, and Mom wouldn’t even answer the door when I asked her to come look. I didn’t know what else to do, so I went across the hall. We had a neighbor who was a nurse and worked nights, so I knew she’d be home. She turned the baby over, pounded on his back a few times, and he coughed a bunch of goop up, and then he was fine. But the nurse lady didn’t send me home. She gave me a snack, sat me down in front of her TV, and went into the next room to make a phone call. Guess who she called?”

“The… child protection people?” I ventured.

“The police,” she said. “And they brought the child protection people. A police officer came into the nurse’s apartment with a lady from social services, and they asked me a bunch of questions. Then I could hear Mom out in the hall. She was crying really loud, and telling them to kill her because she couldn’t stand to live anymore.” She gave a heavy sigh. “After they took my mom out, the lady showed up and got her kid. She thanked me for getting help, then left—I never saw her again after that. Then the child protection lady drove me down to her office. I had to answer a bunch more questions, then a couple hours later Grandma and Grandpa came to pick me up. I stayed at the farm till Dad got home.”

“He finished the tour?”

“No, I was only at the farm for a couple of days. Dad dropped out of the tour. The guys he was playing with were really cool about it—they flew in a guitar player from LA to take his place, and even canceled a show because the new guy couldn’t get there in time for it. Dad was gonna play that show because he couldn’t get a regular flight before it anyway, but the band said ‘No way’, and paid for an expensive private plane so he could leave right away. It’s the same band he’s going to fill in for again in a couple of weeks. But anyway—”

She drew in an unsteady breath. “It turned out Mom was tweaking that day… she was high on all kinds of stuff. I kinda thought she was using something, but I wasn’t sure. But here’s the thing, Mallory—why I’m telling you this story. I knew what would happen when I went to the nurse’s apartment. I knew she wasn’t gonna send an eight-year-old kid off on her own with a sick baby, and I knew Mom was gonna be in trouble. I did it to help the baby, yeah, but also because I wanted it to end, all the bad stuff Mom was going through. And when she went into rehab, part of me wanted her to be okay, but the other part was hoping she wouldn’t move back in with us.

“See, when they first took her I was thinking they’d make her all better, and then she can come back home and it’ll all be great – but then when it was just me and Dad I found out just how normal things could be—and how messed up it was before.” She fumbled for my hand. “Mallory, when Dad told me they were getting divorced and I was going to be staying with him—you know how you’re supposed to be all devastated and heartbroken when that happens? Me, I was relieved.”

She was crying a little now… soft, quiet tears. My cheeks were wet, too.

“So, you get how I feel.” I was surprised by how unsteady my own voice was.

“Yeah. You’re not weird, Mal. And don’t think you’re a bad daughter, ‘cause you totally aren’t.”

We held each other for a while. There was a tap on the door, and Lisa poked her head in. “Hey,” she said, “we’re going out for a little while. You two okay to be on your own?”

“Fine,” we said, almost in unison. That made us both giggle.

Lisa gave us her little bell-like laugh. “All right—sleep good, you two. If you need us, call Sean Fronning’s number. It’s right above the phone.” She winked, then the door closed behind her.

Julie put a hand on my cheek. “Just the two of us here—I don’t know about you, but I could use some cheering up,” she said in a low, playful voice. “What do you think we ought to do?”

I went from zero to horny in like half a second! Rolling on top of Julie, I pressed my lips to hers. This time, there wasn’t any slow build-up. I shoved my tongue right into her mouth, and the next thing I knew we were rolling around on the bed, grinding our hips together and moaning into each other’s mouths. It was like all the emotions that had just passed between me and Julie gave us this huge extra push.

Julie shoved her hands into my pajama bottoms and panties, squeezing my butt cheeks, then tracing the edge of my crack with the tips of her fingers. It felt incredible, like a blast of electric current running through me. I broke off the kiss and hugged her body to mine while her mouth found my neck, giving me little bites and nuzzles.

We rolled over again, and I yanked her nightgown way up, finding a smooth, naked backside waiting for me underneath. Julie saw my surprise and giggled. “I didn’t really think we were going straight to sleep, did you? Now give my ass a good squeeze and tell me you love me!”

A few dirty words had slipped out of my mouth since we’d been to Megan’s house, but it was the first time I’d heard one from Julie, and got me even more excited! I grabbed her backside—her ass, that is—and squeezed. “I love you,” I got out, and then we were kissing again, groping each other’s asses as our tongues danced.

Julie broke off the kiss. “I love you… and I love your ass!” she gasped.

She rolled us over once more so I was on top, jerked her hands out of my pants, and tugged hard on the bottom of my shirt. I sat up, took it off and flung it across the room. Julie shoved me onto my back and grabbed the waistband of my PJ bottoms, and I lifted my butt so she could yank them off, along with my underwear. Pulling her nightgown over her head, she let it drop to the floor, leaving us both naked.

Without even pausing for breath, Julie threw herself on me, attacking my chest. Her tongue and teeth were sweet fire, and I moaned aloud when her mouth closed over a nipple. I nibbled on her shoulder, because it was all I could reach with my mouth, reaching down to grope her ass again. I slipped my other hand down between her legs, finding and feeling her pussy. She was incredibly wet—I could feel moisture oozing from between her lips.

Julie gasped and shuddered as I began to rub her, moving my hand in a circular motion. She started kissing her way down my chest and across my tummy, pivoting her body around as she went. By the time she was nuzzling my belly button her knees were next to my head.

It was an awkward stretch to keep touching her pussy at that angle, but then I had a great idea. Taking my hand away, I tugged at Julie’s leg. She got what I was going for right away, and lifted her knee up from the bed so I could slide under her until my face was right where I wanted it. Grabbing Julie’s hips, I slid my tongue into her slit, then her mouth found my aching pussy. She nibbled on the lips for a few seconds, then started licking me. When her tongue flicked my clit, I thrust my pelvis up against her sweet mouth. Holy crow, was it ever amazing, licking and getting licked at the same time!

Julie came first, lifting her head just long enough to wail out loud. Then she went back to work on me, while I gently ran my tongue along her pussy lips, then dipped the tip of it inside of her.

Suddenly I felt my orgasm coming, hitting me like a runaway freight train. I was groping her ass, and found myself slipping my fingers deep into Julie’s crack. I don’t know where I got the idea to try that, but she sure didn’t mind!

Not much happened after that. Julie rolled off me and covered us both up with the blankets, then she kissed me and I drifted off. Silly me, I didn’t even think of getting back into my PJs. Guess I was more worn out than I thought.

***

When Julie’s alarm went off this morning, we were still naked and snuggled together. She smiled at me, I grinned back, and we were just about to kiss when there was a light rap at the door. It startled the daylights out of us, but we relaxed when Lisa poked her head in.

“You girls getting up?” she asked, a knowing grin on her lips. “Jason got paged out maybe twenty minutes ago, so I’ll drop you off for the A.L. bus on my way to work.”

“I think we’d better grab a quick shower,” said Julie.

Lisa snickered. “Might be a good idea.”

It was a good day in A.L. Megan came and sat with us at lunch, and we talked about getting together again at her place. I could feel myself getting wet at the idea, right there in the cafeteria! It’s funny to think that just a few weeks ago, I’d feel horrified and ashamed if something like that happened. I’ve come a long way since starting this diary, that’s for sure!

Julie and I were all laughing and cheerful on the bus ride back, but my spirits sank when I saw Mom’s Explorer waiting at the curb, Jason’s pickup parked right behind it. I’d known that was coming, but it still sucked.

As the bus pulled closer and came to a stop, I realized there was a man in the passenger seat, a man too tall to be Dad. I freaked out—could it be Mr. Belgarde? I grabbed my bag and ran for the exit before anyone else got out of their seat.“Mal… ?” I heard Julie’s alarmed voice trail off behind me.

But as I launched like a cannonball out of the bus, I realized the man sitting next to Mom was Jason Hanson. I came to a halt, feeling foolish. What the heck would I have done if it really had been Mr. Belgarde, anyway? Yell at them right out there in front of the school?

I felt a hand on my shoulder, and looked around to meet Julie’s concerned eyes.

“Sorry,” I mumbled. “I saw a guy in there with my mom, and for a second I thought—”

“It’s okay, Mal,” she said. “I get it.”

We crossed the street together, and as we approached our parents’ vehicles I decided that Jason and my mom having a conversation was a good thing. If they were friends, it’d probably make it easier for me to see Julie more often.

The passenger door of the Explorer opened, and Jason slipped out. “Talk to you later, Sharon,” he said. He turned to me; gave me a quick squeeze.“ It was good having you, kiddo, despite the circumstances. You know you’re always welcome, right?”

“I know,” I said. “Thanks for everything, Jason.”

I hugged Julie again, then got into the Explorer. Mom put it in drive. “I missed you,” she said as we pulled away from the curb.

I wasn’t sold on that, but nodded my head. “How’s Dad?”

“Okay. When I left he was out in his shop working on the combine head. He thinks he might be able to still get most of the corn in if it doesn’t snow too early.”

“Should he be working already?”

“The doctors think so. And he seems fine. Besides, it’s not like I was ever able to stop him from doing what he wants.”

I didn’t know how to respond to that, so we sat in silence for a moment. “About that talk—” I finally said.

The corners of her mouth quirked up. Real amusement; when was the last time I’d seen that on her face? I couldn’t remember. “So, you figure we’re going to have this conversation on the five-minute drive home? I think you understand more than you let on sometimes, and that means you know these things aren’t so simple.” She reached across the console and put her hand on my knee, giving it a pat.

“I swear I’m not blowing you off, Mallory. I owe you this. But I want to set a decent-size block of time aside for it. Here’s an idea. I need to go shopping in Alexandria on Saturday. Why don’t you ride along?”

“Sure,” I said, and that’s where we left the matter.

I didn’t see Dad till dinner, which was okay because it seemed like forever since I’d had the chance to practice piano. And believe it or not, Mom didn’t turn the TV on, not even once!

At the dinner table, Dad said he was proud of me for answering God’s call to action when he got food poisoning. Food poisoning! Sure. I knew perfectly well what Dad really meant. He was telling me we weren’t to talk about what really happened, not ever. But he was doing his best to be nice, so I smiled and took it with good grace.

After dinner I said I needed to do homework, but what I really wanted to do was get this diary caught up. And now, hours later, I finally have. Okay, then. Bedtime.

 

Nov 4, 2006

In the family movies you see on TV, after something scary like what happened to Dad, everybody is all huggy and affectionate and doing stuff together. Not the Kalvorneks. We’re more into pretending things never happened and going on just like before.

Well, I think Mom is trying a little. She baked cookies while I was at school on Thursday, actually asked me how my day was, and listened to what I said while I ate them. But mostly she’s gone back to watching TV all the time—sound familiar? So much for my piano practice! And Dad’s been working nonstop. We’ve had a couple of dry weeks and a lot of wind, so in another day or two he’s gonna start harvesting the corn that’s left uncombined. If he’s lucky, he’ll get it all before the snow hits.

Not that I haven’t been busy the last couple of days. I got a good start on my A.L. project—you know, the line drawings on the tree mushrooms. I’m doing the sketches on paper first, so I’m sure of what I want before I switch to a medium I probably can’t erase on. But I need to have something down on paper to show the art teacher next week.

I’m also using A.L. as an excuse to go to Megan’s house with Julie after church tomorrow, same as last week. This time we’ve already got it all worked out in advance with our parents.

I’ve only seen Julie at school since Wednesday, and I hate it. I miss her all the time after getting home from school, but especially when I’m alone in bed at night. I want to hold her and tell her I love her, and I want her to do the same to me.

Of course, that isn’t the only thing I want! If I start thinking about Julie when I’m lying in bed, it’s never very long before my hand is slipping into my underpants. I can’t help it; I want those hot, sexy feelings pretty much all the time now. Sometimes I can’t even wait until bedtime to touch myself.

I figured Mom had probably forgotten about her offer to take me along on her shopping trip this morning, or was hoping I would forget. I was trying to decide whether to mention it—but to my surprise, I didn’t have to. Mom was emptying the dishwasher as I walked into the kitchen in my PJs and before I could get a word out, she told me I needed to eat breakfast, get dressed, and be ready to leave in half an hour.

Mom likes to shop in the same town I go to for A.L. It’s about a 45-minute drive. I was kind of excited; she hasn’t taken me along in forever. We rode in comfortable silence for the first few minutes, then somehow, it got less comfortable. Mom kept glancing over at me, like she was working herself up to something. I decided I wasn’t going to help her with it, and just waited.

Finally, she spoke. “You know your dad isn’t an alcoholic, don’t you?”

“Oh, but Mom,” I said, a little too sweetly, “we talked about this at dinner the other day, remember? I must have had it all wrong… it was food poisoning.”

Realizing what I’d just done, I shut my mouth with a snap. What has gotten into me? Being smart with my parents is a one-way ticket to BIG trouble. But Mom just stared at the road in silence for a minute or two before she spoke again. Amazingly, she didn’t seem mad.

“He’s embarrassed,” she said finally. “Your father doesn’t want to face what happened, so he’s shutting down any chance of talking about it. And he certainly doesn’t want anyone else to know. Officer Felter and Chief Moen were kind enough to not be specific about what happened in the police report, so hopefully the real story won’t get around.”

She hesitated, then continued. “The point is, your dad is really ashamed of the whole incident, so he’s trying to pretend that it never happened. I think it’s best that you and I play along with that, but I want to make sure you understand that it’s not a regular thing for him, and I don’t think it’ll ever happen again.”

“You’re defending him,” I said, surprised.

There was another awkward moment of silence. “What’s going on with me and your father,” Mom finally said, “isn’t his fault.”

More silence. I knew she was waiting for me to break it, but I wasn’t about to. Once again, it hit me how upset I was at her.

“Look,” she said, “I know things haven’t been easy. I’m not happy, and that’s ruining everything… not just for me but for you. I’m hiding. Sometimes in the TV, sometimes in the church. And just lately—I’ve been hiding in the arms of another man.

“After I found out you knew about that, I spent three days sitting in the hospital trying to figure out how to explain it so you’d understand. It made me face a few things about myself that I didn’t understand before. I’m going to tell you all of it, and just hope you don’t hate me when I’m done. Are you ready to know the truth about your mother?”

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. For reasons I’m still not sure of, I was close to tears.

“The truth is, Mallory, that I’m a materialistic bitch. A materialistic bitch who let herself get pressured into a life she never wanted.”

My jaw dropped. I mean, my mouth literally just fell open; that’s how surprised I was to hear my mom say a swear word. It took me a few seconds to find my voice. “I don’t get it,” I finally managed to say.

“I always dreamed of having the good life,” she said. “Luxury cars, a beautiful house in a nice neighborhood, a big city filled with culture and activity, all that. Mind you, I didn’t expect anyone to hand it to me—I was going to go to college. Pick a field where I could make lots of money, and get all the things I wanted. My father—he saw things a little differently.”

I thought back to my Grandpa Darrell, who died a little over a year ago. He’d been divorced from Grandma Paulette for a long time before then, but I’d never quite figured out how that sour old man had ever gotten along with someone as bright and full of life as my grandma.

“Your grandpa—I know you didn’t like him much, Mallory. But he was different when I was a little girl. Fun. I don’t know what happened to change him. By the time I was in high school he was bitter and angry and couldn’t talk about anything without bringing biblical judgment into it. Your grandma didn’t like it, and they were fighting all the time. I was looking into colleges, and he told me he wasn’t going to pay for it. He said college is where girls learn to overthrow the church and lose their virginity, and a respectable young woman is supposed to find a godly man and marry him. I think if I’d done a better job standing up for myself, your grandma would have taken my side, but at the time I bought into most of it. I thought there was something wrong with me, and felt ashamed for wanting something more than a home and a family.”

“So… you didn’t want to marry Dad?”

She shrugged. “By then, I’d given up on college and was… in the market, I guess you could say. Your grandma told me plenty of times that I should slow down and make sure I was getting the life I wanted, but Mom was also in the middle of filing for divorce and… well, she was too distracted to be of much help. Your dad… he was a few years older than me, and he was on the verge of leaving town. He was working on the farm for his father, your Grandpa Brian…  and saving up to go to college. I wasn’t sure I was exactly in love with him, but I liked him. Also… well, your grandpa thought we were a good match. I knew my mom would be there for me, no matter what… but I was desperate to please my father. I think that pretty much clinched it. So we got married.”

“Wait, wait… Dad was gonna go to college?”

Mom smiled grimly. “The plan was that he’d get his degree in agriculture,” she said. “Then he’d get one of those government ag extension jobs until your Grandpa Brian was ready to turn the farm over to him. Now, see… I never really believed we’d be taking over the farm. Brian was healthy as a horse, or seemed that way… and I thought he’d be working the land for another ten, fifteen years. By then, we’d have built a life somewhere else, and your dad would have too many years towards retirement to walk away. Those government jobs have great pension plans, you know. So we got married two days after I graduated from high school, and your dad was supposed to start college that fall. Then, the first week of July, Brian had his stroke.”

I’d never met my Grandpa Brian. I knew he’d spent the last year of his life in a nursing home. Grandma Jeanette turned the farm over to Dad, got remarried two years later, and lives in Fargo. I don’t see her very often.

Mom continued her story. “It was never in doubt that your dad would take over the farm at that point,” she was saying. “It was written like… like the ten commandments. In stone. As soon as we were sure Brian was too impaired to keep working, Dan told U of M he wouldn’t be coming. Never once asked my opinion, or what I wanted. And to be fair to him, I walked into the marriage knowing he was planning to farm once his dad was ready to step down. I just thought it’d be so damn far in the future that I’d be able to talk him out of it.”

That was TWO swear words I’d heard coming out of Mom’s mouth since we’d started driving. I was trying not to die of shock.

“So that was that,” she went on. “At first, it wasn’t so bad. Things were pretty good between your dad and me, and he was making good money… of course, that was before crop prices tanked and fuel went through the roof. I started going to First Evangelical because that was his church, and made a few friends there. Two years later, you were born.

“Now… having you was really good for me, because by then, I was starting to get depressed. Most of my high school friends were in college, and they kept coming home with stories of concerts and parties and all of the other things about big city life I’d always wanted for myself. Once I brought up the idea of me going to college, and your dad shut THAT down in a big hurry. We could have afforded it in those days, but he wouldn’t hear of me being away for months out of the year when my place was at his side, starting our family. What was I gonna do? ‘Wives, submit to your husbands’… that’s what the Word says, so I felt like that’s what I had to do.

“Then you came along, and for the first few years you were my whole life. But at some point down the line… well, it stopped being enough. I never stopped wanting things that are forever out of reach for me. And I’ve started resenting everything that makes things that way. I resent the farm. I spend so much time at the church  to get away from the farm, but now I resent the church, too. I resent your dad, even though at the end of the day it’s not really his fault. He’s a good man, Mallory… we were just always a bad match. I’ve even caught myself resenting you, even though you haven’t done anything to earn it.”

Her voice broke, and a tear slid down her cheek. She quickly wiped her face and went on. “I’m miserable and messed up, Mallory. None of this is your fault. As for Brian Belgarde… it hasn’t been going on very long. But things are so messed up between your dad and I, and… a grown woman has needs. You’ll understand that when you’re older.”

I struggled to keep my face still. I understand more than she thinks!

Then an image popped into my head. I pictured Mom lying in bed alone, wearing only a pair of panties. Her eyes were filled with desire, her nipples hard. There was a damp spot on the front of her underwear.

I saw myself walking into the room, whispering, I know you have needs, Mom. Let me take care of you. You don’t need Mr. Belgarde. I can give you what you want.

I felt a sick sort of horror at where my thoughts were going… but at the same time, it excited me. A lot.

I gave my head a hard little shake to clear it. What the heck was I doing, dreaming up dirty fantasies about my own mother? Good grief! For the first time, I wondered if all the sex I was having was turning me into some kind of pervert.

Mom was still speaking. “And really,” she was saying, “it’s not about the sex. It’s… wow. I can’t believe I’m talking to you about sex.”

Just like that, she had my full attention again. She drew in a steadying breath. “Honestly, I don’t know how to talk about this with someone too young to know what it’s like…”

If she’d been able to read my mind right then, Mom would probably have fainted behind the wheel. These days, I bet I’m getting more sex than she is!

With a heavy sigh, she continued. “You know, sex has never been very good for me. I thought it might be different with Brian, because he’s everything I’m missing in my life. He’s passionate, he’s funny, and every summer he goes off on some kind of adventure. Brian’s seen a lot of exciting things. He tells me stories about them. He takes me to new, different places, and we don’t even have to leave the sofa to go there. So that part is good, but the sex… not so much. Not that it matters now, because it won’t happen again.”

“Not ever?”

“No. When Jason Hanson phoned me after what happened to your father… well, that was a wake-up call in more ways than one. We live in a town where everyone knows each other, and you can’t hide that sort of thing forever. I was a fool to think we could. Jason promised he wouldn’t tell anyone, but there’s no way he’s the only one who’s noticed. We’ve been lucky so far—anybody else who knows seems to be keeping it to themselves. But sooner or later…”

She shook her head. “I should never have let it happen in the first place. It’s not fair to you… he’s your gym teacher. And getting caught doing something like this in a little community like this, it can really blow up. Remember after the Hansons moved to town, that whole thing about Jason and Mrs. Carey? It’s all anybody talked about for weeks. And she ended up divorced… thank God there weren’t any kids caught in the middle of that.”

My mind had fixed on something else… what Mom said about sex not being very good for her. I had a sneaking suspicion… but we were getting close to Alexandria, and I needed time to think before asking any questions. Mom was opening up to me in a way she never had before, but I knew she would shut down in a hurry if I said too much.

I decided to stay on safer ground for the moment. “Do you think,” I asked, “that Jason is a bad person because of what he did with Mrs. Carey? I mean, I heard you and Dad talking about it and it sounded so… I don’t know…”

“Judgmental?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s easy to sit in judgment, Mallory… it’s a cheap way to feel better about yourself. But look at me; do I have any right to judge?” She was silent for a moment, then spoke up again. “This is something we haven’t really talked about, but I suppose I was close to your age when your Grandma Paulette had this talk with me. It won’t be too long now before you start having grown up feelings, and then you’ll understand a lot more about the things adult men and women feel and need. You’ll start wanting to be with other people in certain ways… but you’ll also learn all about how much those kinds of desires can mess up your thinking and make you do stupid things.”

Once more, I carefully hid a smile… a lot she knew! But now we were approaching the outskirts of Alexandria, and it was time to change the subject.

“So…” I said, “where are we going first?”

On to Chapter Fifteen!