Juicy Secrets Forbidden Tales of Lesbian Love

Note from JetBoy: We’ve been promising this one to you for months now, and now we’re kicking it off with this refurbished opening chapter: Rachael Yukey’s “Pages From a Diary,” now available in this newly minted version. Let the hosannas commence!

But first, a bit of history. This story began to unfold at Juicy Secrets over five years ago. It made quite the splash, impressing readers and site staff alike… but alas, Rachael got caught up in personal matters and vanished from sight after the posting of Chapter Seventeen. We tried to communicate with the author, but got no reply, and finally gave up.

Jump ahead to the fall of 2022. Out of nowhere, we got a letter from Rachael, in which she fervently apologized for her disappearance – seriously, she was halfway convinced we’d tell her to go pound sand – and presented us with the first few chapters of a brand new story. On the strength of those chapters, Amanda and I immediately committed to accepting the rest… yeah, it was that good. Not that I need to convince you Juicy Secrets regulars, who know and love “Strange Brew,” the finished result.

Okay, that’s well and good, I wrote Rachael in reply. We love your new one, but there’s the little matter of this OTHER story… y’know, the seventeen-chapters-thus-far saga that never got finished?

Rachael’s response was that she’d written more chapters but was dissatisfied with them, felt she’d lost direction, and had no wish to continue “Pages from a Diary,” at that time. I encouraged her to at least think about it, but told myself that this new story of hers was more than enough to make Ms. Yukey’s return worth it.

So you can imagine my surprise (not to mention my dancing-in-the-streets giddiness) a few weeks later, when Rachael sent me several newly composed chapters for “Pages,” letting us know that she was BACK, baby, and her unfinished tale from years earlier was a GO!

Rather than pick up where “Pages of a Diary” had left off, I suggested that she and I do a thorough proof/edit/polish job on the entire story and repost it a chapter at a time, as if it was brand new. By then, the two of us had established a very solid working relationship after completing several installments of “Strange Brew,” so she graciously agreed. 

Like “Strange Brew,” this story is about a lot more than just sex, so don’t expect lesbian bedroom antics in every chapter. Which isn’t to say that you won’t get turned on in a big way. 

Rachael, my utmost gratitude goes to you for taking this story on again. It’s going to make a lot of people very happy indeed. 

Okay, people – time to knock off my rambling and direct your attention to Chapter One. Do enjoy… and please be sure to leave comments!

***

 

 

by Rachael Yukey

Wednesday, September 20th, 2006

I need to find a place to hide this notebook. I don’t exactly know what I’m gonna write in it yet, but who wants their parents finding their diary?

Hmmm… what do you put in a diary, anyhow? I’m not even sure why I decided to keep one! But you know what? I’m already starting to think I’m not just keeping it for me. That was my plan five minutes ago, but now I think that I’m writing it for people to read someday… maybe my grandkids or something. If it was just for me, why would I feel like I need to introduce myself?

Let’s do that now. My name’s Mallory Kalvornek, and I’m eleven years old. I just started the sixth grade. I live on a farm a few miles outside of a tiny little town of 1100 people in west central Minnesota. I’m an only child… it’s just my mom, dad, and me. Dad’s a grain farmer, and Mom spends most of her time doing volunteer stuff for the church. We’re Evangelical Christians, so we’re always doing religious stuff. If we’re not at church, we’re doing Awana or Bible Study or an outreach or something. I kind of hate it… it’s really boring.

Wow,  now I see why people do diaries! I’ve never admitted that before, not even to myself. It’s true, though… I hate church. Guess I ought to feel guilty about that, but I don’t, not really. It’s like we’re supposed to have this great relationship with God or something, and to me it’s just a bunch of sermons and stupid rules and boring church socials.

Sometimes I’ll hang out with the other kids at Sunday School or whatever, and that’s good because I don’t have any friends at school. I’m really shy and not good at talking to people, but at church they HAVE to be nice to me.

Whoa… I’ve never really thought about that, either. Are they only hanging around with me at church because their parents would get mad if they didn’t? That doesn’t make me feel very good.

But that kinda brings me to what I want to write about today. Maybe the whole reason I started this diary! I think I might be close to making a friend. You know, a real one, not just someone who only hangs out with me at church things.

Her name is Julie Hanson, and she’s in my class at school. She moved to town with her dad Jason last year… I want to say it was November. They bought this really old house right in the middle of town that needs a lot of work. Everybody thought it was really creepy, this guy coming in from the big city with his ten-year-old daughter and buying the cheapest house in town. I don’t think it helps that he’s a musician… some people seem to think you can’t trust them, I don’t know why.

Mr. Hanson plays guitar. He’s not like super-famous or anything, but he’s worked with some people that are. You can go online and see videos of him doing concerts with bands and singers I’ve heard of.

The adults talk about the Hansons sometimes, cause you don’t get new people in town much in a place like this. Of course, they don’t talk about it when kids my age are around, but with parents like mine, you get good at eavesdropping! From what I heard, Mr. Hanson has a lot of family close to here, and decided to stop touring and move back closer to home when he got divorced so it would be easier to take care of Julie.

The rumors are that he gave his wife all of their money and stuff like that, and she gave him custody of Julie. I hope that’s not true. Who trades their kid for money? But they say that’s why he had to come in and buy a cheap old house, because his ex got almost everything when they split up.

People ended up liking Julie and Mr. Hanson once they got to know them, mostly anyway. Mr. Hanson’s really active… this summer when the town did a benefit for this teenage girl with cancer, he got some old friends of his from the city to come up and they did a concert on the football field to raise money. He had a real stage and lights and a big sound system and everything. It was really fun! He and Julie both do volunteer work, and he took an EMT class this spring so he could help out on the volunteer ambulance service. He’s teaching guitar lessons to get by, but Julie told me today he also gets something called royalties for songs he wrote and that’s most of what they live on. Every time a song of his gets played on the radio or used in a movie or TV show, he gets paid for it!

But he also made some people mad, too. Not long after they got here there was some talk about him and a married lady (I’m pretty sure from what I overheard, they were doing sex things). But now he’s got a girlfriend that lives with them, so it’s better. She’s a lot younger than he is but nobody minds as long as he’s not dating lots of girls. My parents don’t approve of living like that with someone you’re not married to, but they seem to think dating lots of people is worse. I’ll have to look and see if it’s in the Bible.

I’ve known Julie for almost a year, but I don’t really know her, you know? We haven’t ever talked much. She’s really bubbly and social, and I’m quiet and never know what to say. I don’t really hang out with anybody at school, but she hangs out with lots of people. I think she’s really pretty. She’s the tallest girl in our class, even taller than almost all of the boys… and she has this long thick beautiful black hair. Me, I’m short for my age and blonde. Both of us are pretty skinny.

Anyway, this year we’re both in a program called Advanced Learning… mostly it’s just called A.L. Every Wednesday we get on a bus and they take us to Alexandria, a bigger town about forty minutes away. We have to get up really early for it, and we get home later than on other days. My mom has to drop me off and pick me up at the school so I can go to it. The idea is that they give kids who have what they call “exceptional potential” (which just means kids who are smart for their age) and take us someplace where we learn stuff they can’t teach us at our school.

The school in our town is really small and has all the grades in it, they call it a k-12. The town we go to for A.L. has like 13,000 people and has elementary, middle, and high schools.

A.L. goes from fifth grade and up, and our school only sends a few kids from each grade. There are only three sixth-graders, me, Julie, and Mitch, a boy who’s really weird. So the bus is usually not very full, and everybody is in their own seat. But today we were bringing a bunch of high school kids along for some other activity, so the bus was stuffed.

As usual Mom was running late dropping me off at the school, and I was pretty nervous because I knew the bus was going to be packed and I would probably have to sit with somebody. I don’t mind if somebody sits with me when I’m there first, but I feel really awkward coming up and sitting with a person who’s already there!

As I said goodbye to my mom and slid out of our green Explorer, I looked up at the bus and felt my stomach tighten. From what I could see, every seat had at least one person in it.

It was rainy and cold this morning, so the bus driver had the door shut. He opened it when I got close, and as I climbed the steps he smiled at me. “Morning, Mallory,” he said.

I looked away and mumbled “Hi,” stopping for a moment as I reached the top step. I was right… there were no empty seats. I looked around, trying to seem calm as I figured out who to sit with. Then I saw Julie Hanson, alone in a seat just a few rows behind the driver, leaning back in the corner with her nose in a book. Her thick black hair hung down, almost covering her face and her glasses with the purple rims.

I decided it was the best I was gonna get… at least it was a girl, and she’s in my class. I shuffled down the aisle, stopping next to her seat. I never know what to do at times like these… do I just sit down, or do I ask if it’s okay?

Julie solved the problem for me. She looked up, gave me a big smile, and said “Hi! Wanna sit with me?”

I was so relieved! I smiled back, said, “Sure!” and sat down. Julie gave me a friendly nod, then found her place in the book she was reading. I dug in my backpack until I found my own novel, the fourth book in the Sapphire Towers fantasy series. It’s supposed to be for girls a few years older than me, but books for kids my own age are pretty boring. I found my place and settled in as bus pulled out of the lot.

A few minutes later, just as we were turning onto the highway, Julie spoke up.“Hey, you’re reading the same thing I am!”

Wow! I’d been trying so hard not to hide my nervousness that I hadn’t even noticed what Julie was reading. It wasn’t exactly the same thing; the book in her hand was the fifth book in the series, and I was still on the fourth.

“Wow!’ I said. “That’s pretty cool. I didn’t think anybody else our age was reading these.”

“Well,” said Julie with an adorable little smirk, “I think books for our age group are pretty lame, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “The characters in these books at least kind of act like real people… you know?”

That was it. We spent the rest of the bus ride talking about our books instead of reading them, about the situations and the characters and everything we hoped might happen. Since Julie was about half a book ahead, she was really careful not to say anything that would spoil it for me.

 ***

Our A.L. group is a bunch of kids our age from different schools. It’s not as structured as regular school and nobody cares where we sit, so Julie and I sat together for the first half of the day, partnering up for the group logic problems they had us do. We also ate lunch together, chattering on about our books at first, then more about ourselves and our families.

For the second half of the day, the group splits up and we go to more specific classes where we get to study things that interest us, and we were separate for part of that. Julie and I have creative writing together, but then I do art and Julie… I don’t even know what she does then, now that I think of it. I’ll have to ask.

On the bus ride home, Julie read to me. We agreed that it was lots of fun to have someone to share our books with, and she wanted me to catch up so that we can talk about all of it as we go. We didn’t quite finish, but she’s going to wait for me to catch up. Which I just did, right before I started writing this! Tomorrow when I see her at school we’ll be in the same place.

When we got off the bus, Mom was waiting for me in the Explorer. Julie just lives a few blocks from the school and usually walks or rides her bike, but it was rainy so her dad was there to drive her home. He drives a blue Ford pickup, the kind with the long cab and back seat.

Julie and I got off the bus together, and before we said goodbye she put her arms around me and pulled me into a hug that made me feel all fluttery inside. My parents aren’t very touchy or snuggly people, and I just LOVE getting hugs! When she pulled back her hands stayed on my upper arms for a moment and she looked straight into my eyes.

“Today was really fun,” she told me. “We like a lot of the same things, and you’re really cool. I hope we can be friends.”

Then she was gone. But she said I was cool! NOBODY ever said that about me before. And she wants to be my friend! I hope she still wants to hang out with me tomorrow, and please God, don’t let me mess it all up by being awkward and weird.

 

Thursday, September 21st, 2006

My mom doesn’t cook in the mornings anymore. School breakfast is her friend! She just shakes me awake, leaves the room, and watches TV while I get ready for school. She spends lots of time doing volunteer stuff for the church, but when she’s home she mostly just watches TV. Okay, she does keep the place clean and cook dinner, but not much else. Dad isn’t even awake yet when I get up in the morning unless he’s got stuff to do on the farm, and at this time of year there isn’t much. There’s still some corn that needs combining, but it’s too wet right now. And when he is in the house, he mostly just watches TV, same as Mom.

My parents don’t really pay a whole lot of attention to what I do. I have a lot of rules to follow, but I don’t think they’d notice if I started breaking them like crazy. Hmmm… I haven’t given that much thought before.

Mom and Dad don’t talk much unless they’re badmouthing somebody or fighting about money, but lately they’ve been fighting about money all the time. They think I can’t hear, but after I go to bed I can hear everything anybody says in the living room or kitchen. Dad’s profit margins are doing nothing but going down, and Mom hates having to cut back on spending. So they fight. We’re like the only farm family I know where the mother doesn’t have a job in town, but Mom and Dad believe that a good Christian woman stays home and minds the kids and house. Except Mom doesn’t do that, she spends all day doing volunteer stuff for the church! I don’t see how that’s any better than getting a job that would help with the bills.

I was in a really good mood this morning because I was so excited about hanging out with Julie at school. I was smiling and humming to myself while I brushed my hair and teeth. I wanted to sing out loud, but I knew it would irritate my mom. I was ready fifteen minutes before the bus and the sun was out, so I decided to wait outside. I said goodbye to my mom and she didn’t even look up… just kind of waved.

It was chilly, but the sun was shining and that was good enough for me. I sang at the top of my lungs until I saw the bus coming. Since the weather was nice, I knew Julie would be riding her bike to school, but I hoped to see her at school breakfast.

I’d hoped that Julie would be at breakfast, but she wasn’t. It turns out that she comes to school breakfast maybe half the time. So I ate alone as usual, but she was waiting for me outside the cafeteria. She hugged me right away, and I froze for a second then hugged her back. It just feels so good to be in someone’s arms!

“Hey!” she said as she let me go, “how far did you get in the book?”

“Oh, I caught up to you last night,” I told her.

“Sweet!” she replied. “Should we agree on how far to go each night, so we can talk about it the next day?” She tugged at my hand, and we set off side by side down the hall.

“Sounds great,” I said. “But we can’t read the same amount every night. Tuesdays I have piano lessons, and then there’ll be church things and stuff. And chores.”

Julie nodded. “Yeah, same here. My dad is teaching me to play guitar and I try to get in some practice every day. And I have chores at home too. But not as many as you do, I bet, living on a farm.”

“Not so much,” I said. “I do house chores, but I don’t really do farm things. We don’t have any animals to feed so it’s all tractors and chemicals and other stuff I’m not allowed to mess with. I probably don’t do much more than you.”

By this time we’d arrived at our classroom, and it was time to get in our seats. They don’t give you much time for school breakfast if you’re riding the bus!

“Hey,” said Julie before we headed to our desks, “do you eat school breakfast every morning?”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“I kind of pick and choose,” she said. “My dad will make me breakfast if I want it, so I eat at home unless there’s something extra tasty on the menu at school. Maybe I should do school breakfast more often, then we can talk about Sapphire Towers right away!”

I thought it sounded too good to be true… Julie really wants to spend time with me! I just smiled and nodded, and we both rushed to our seats.

During lunch we chatted about the part of the book I had just caught up on, and then Julie said something that blew me out of the water.

“Um, Mallory?” she said.

“Yeah?”

“Do you think your parents would let you have a sleepover at my house tomorrow night? I asked my dad if I can invite you, and it’s okay with him if it’s okay with your folks. You could come over after school tomorrow, and then hang out with us Saturday.”

Nobody has ever, ever invited me to a sleepover before! I was so happy I thought I was going to cry. Good thing I got myself under control first… I sure wouldn’t want to act like a baby around my new friend!

“Oh, wow, that sounds awesome!” I said. “I’ll ask them tonight!”

The rest of the school day was a blur. Julie hugged me again before I got on the bus, and that warm, tingly feeling came over me again. I squeezed her tight and she squeezed back.

There’s something weird about hugging Julie. I love to get hugs from anybody, but with her it’s not like hugging my grandma. Does that make sense? I can’t put my finger on it. Anyhow, we finally let each other go, and she trotted over to the bike rack, pulled her cruiser out, and pedaled away.

I was a little jealous. Because I live on a farm, the only place I have to ride my bike is on our driveway and the dirt trails Dad drives his tractors on. It’s rough riding and I can’t really go anywhere. The kids that live in town have all these nice paved streets to ride on. But it’s starting to get pretty cold, and a month from now nobody will be riding bikes anywhere until spring.

When I got home I flew off the bus, raced up the front steps, and burst through the door. Mom was in the kitchen.

“Mom!” I blurted. “My friend Julie Hanson invited me to sleep over at her house tomorrow and spend Saturday there. Can I, Mom, please?”

My mom just stared at me like she’d never seen me before, then waved her hand at a package of store-bought cookies on the counter. I helped myself to one and waited.

“That’s Jason Hanson’s daughter. Is that right?” she inquired.

I nodded. My breath was sticking in my throat. I know my parents don’t approve of Jason Hanson.

“It’ll probably be okay,” she said. “But we have to check with your father first.”

Talk about what I DIDN’T want to hear!

Dad came in just in time for dinner. We all sat down, bowed our heads, and Dad led the family prayer for what felt like an hour. I’m starting to realize that I’m a really terrible Christian, and that maybe it’s something I need to work on. I didn’t want to communicate with God… I wanted to get permission to sleep over at Julie’s house!

Finally it was over, and we started eating. I was trying to find the nerve to ask, but Mom beat me to it.

“Jason Hanson’s daughter invited Mallory to a sleepover tomorrow night,” she said. “What do you think, Dan?”

Dad rubbed his eyes. He always looks exhausted lately. He’s only 35, but he looks like he’s in his forties.

“Did Mr. Hanson say it’s all right?” he asked, looking at me.

“Yep,” I replied. “Julie asked him before she talked to me.”

“That’s the respectful way to do it,” said Dad, nodding with approval. “Mallory… how much do you know about the Hanson family?”

“I know they moved here last November,” I said, “and that Mr. Hanson used to play guitar for money. I know they lived in a way bigger city before. And that Julie’s mom doesn’t live with them. Annnd…” I shrugged. “I dunno. I’ve only just started being friends with Julie.”

“Do you know they don’t go to church? Not just our church, but any church?”

“I guess I hadn’t thought about it,” I said, feeling helpless. It seemed for a minute like things were going my way, but it didn’t look so great now!

“Also, do you know that he’s living in sin with a woman who’s not his wife?”

“I kind of knew that,” I said slowly. “But I’m not sure I understand what living in sin really means.”

“It means… an adult kind of relationship between men and women,” said Dad. He rubbed his eyes again. “The kind of relationship our heavenly Father reserves only for marriage.”

“You mean…” I almost didn’t say it, because I was afraid of getting in trouble. “You mean like a, a sex relationship?”

Dad stared at me really hard for the longest time. “Yes, Mallory,” he said, “Like that.”

“So… are you saying you don’t want me to go there?” I was almost in tears.

“I didn’t say that, either,” he said. My heart jumped!

“Listen, Mallory,” he said, “Jason Hanson has done a lot of good things here, too. Remember that benefit for Lizzy Severson? He spent his own money putting on that concert, didn’t keep a dime of the proceeds, and raised more money than everything else we did put together. He also joined the volunteer ambulance squad a few months ago. I think deep down he’s a good man but he’s just… you know… lost. You could help.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” I said, but that was a lie. I knew exactly what he had in mind.

“It’s your time to be a witness, Mallory,” he said. “Show Julie Hanson the effect of God’s good works through you. Show how much your special relationship with God through the blood of his son Jesus Christ enriches your life and multiplies your happiness ten thousandfold, and how she can enjoy the same thing. Once you’ve shown her salvation, the two of you working together can show her father the way. You can save two souls from Hell.”

“So I can go?”

“Definitely. I’ll call Mr. Hanson after dinner and see to any details. Now go ahead and eat before the food gets cold.”

I was floating on a cloud! I gulped my dinner down, hardly tasting a thing.

I was hoping to listen in on Dad’s conversation with Mr. Hanson, but he made the call in his office. I hovered in the living room and watched TV with my mom. When he came out he waited for a commercial before he said anything.

“I just talked to Mr. Hanson,” he said. “He wanted to know if you had a bike you could bring, because Julie wants to go biking with you on Saturday if the weather is good. You’ve never ridden on streets before, so you’ll need to remember to watch for cars. I’ll throw your bike in the pickup tomorrow morning and leave it at the school bike racks for you. You’ll just go with Julie to her house after school. Mr. Hanson wanted to know if there was any food you were allergic to and I told him no, but you remember to be polite even if they serve something you don’t like, understand?”

“I’ll remember,” I promised.

“Mr. Hanson also said that he doesn’t care how late you stick around on Saturday, but you do have church Sunday morning. Your mom or I will pick you up before dinner.”

I pumped my fist in the air and squealed with delight.

“Mallory!” my mom snapped. “Indoor voices!”

“Sorry, Mom! I’m gonna go pack now!”

I raced upstairs to my room and packed a change of clothes, pajamas, my hair brush, and the travel toothbrush kit my grandma got me for when I stay at her house. I went back downstairs and did my piano practice, and then I sat down to write in my diary.

It’s late now, and I’m not quite as happy as I was. I’m still super-excited about spending Friday night and most of Saturday at Julie’s house, but that other thing that Dad talked about is floating around in my brain. You know, witnessing. Spreading God’s word. That’s supposed to be a Christian’s most important job, right? Turning other people into Christians? The Bible says so, in lots of places.

But honestly, I don’t think I’m a very good Christian. Dad said I should show Julie my special relationship with God, but I don’t feel like I even have one. When everybody at church is talking about feeling the presence of the Lord, I don’t feel anything. I’ve never seen anything that looked like a miracle to me. When I pray every night, I feel like I’m just talking to the ceiling.

Dad also said something about showing Julie how it increases my happiness, but it doesn’t! I hate church. Sunday School is better because we do fun stuff, and I like Vacation Bible School in the summer. But most of the church events are boring, the services are worse, and the songs are dumb.

And you know what? My parents are all about being Christians, but I don’t think they’re happy at all! I don’t know if Jason Hanson is a Christian or not, but he doesn’t go to church, and every time I’ve seen him he looks like a really cheerful guy. Julie’s really bouncy and fun, too. She’s probably happier than I am, so how am I supposed to show her that being a Christian will make her happy?

Of course, there’s the Hell thing. If you’re not a Christian, you go to Hell. For some reason that’s not bothering me so much. And it should, right? I mean, if Julie doesn’t get saved we don’t get to spend eternity together in Heaven, and she has to be punished in Hell. That should be terrifying to me, but it’s not. Maybe… I don’t know.

I’m having a hard time even thinking about Heaven and Hell as real places all of a sudden. When I picture them in my head, it’s like something off Cartoon Network.

I need to stop thinking about this. This is taking me someplace really scary, and I don’t like it. I’m going to sleep now, and tomorrow I’m just gonna go to Julie’s house and have fun with my new friend. If I see a chance to talk about God and the Bible maybe I’ll try it, but I’m not going to stress out if it doesn’t happen.

On to Chapter Two!