| Oh Man Why Am I Writing This Down? Not completely sure why I'm writing this down, but to be honest I think a big part of it is that it's turning me on. I do feel bad for that. I guess I still don't think sexuality is something clean and normal to have or even explore for good persons. I mean you never talk about it with anyone, do you? Must be a reason for that, right? You don't want to get caught masturbating or writing down something like this. I guess if you're reading this you're probably not someone who's never thought about this, though. And let's be honest, at least 90% of the reason why you are reading this in the first place is that it's turning you on as well, so we're kind of in the same boat here. Probably should have introduced me first. I'm Lisa, I'm 15. Probably half of what I'm writing down here is true, the other half is wishful thinking. It wouldn't be fun for either of us if I told you which was which but at least that is something you can believe. (I guess most of the wishful thinking isn't too hard to figure out anyway... obviously I wouldn't wish for awkward things to happen.) Names are altered... never got why people did that when it's only first names but I guess when you're in the position, you understand it. As I said, much of this is true, and even though it's very, very unlikely for the wrong persons to stumble over this, believe me, you still feel safer... Okay, so far neither of us has been turned on, and I should probably start somewhere. As you can tell I'm a pretty awkward person. I'm the embodiment of clumsiness too. (As I am re-reading all of this... there's a whole lot of non-sexual stuff going on over the next couple pages so no need to get all worked up yet. There will be something at the end of this but first I want you people to get to know me a bit better. Skip all of this if you want, it's mostly just for me to warm myself up and for you to make more sense of all the stuff I'll be writing later.) By this point you've probably forgotten, so here goes again, my name is Lisa. I'm 15 and that's what I look like. I have wavy shoulder-long hair and like to call it dark-blonde, but most would probably say it's brown. Brown sounds so dull though and it's not very dark. Imagine what you want, really, I can't give you much more detail than this because my looks are very average. I have eyes (ordinary brown), a nose, a mouth, two ears... Since this is supposed to be something sexual – yes, I also have boobs... B-cup... Recall how I mentioned that you don't really want people to find out that you think about your sexuality? Thus I don't own a shaver, so that's what it looks like down there. Thankfully my legs don't need shaving. (On the other hand if they did I'd have a reason to buy a shaver...) Sorry about the lack of sexy vocabulary so far, by the way. As I said I need to get you people to know me a little better first... I know that's hilarious... But where we? My looks. I don't really care about my clothing very much. I wear ordinary one-colour sweatshirts and t-shirts, sometimes with some meaningless words on them... no brand clothes (we wouldn't be able to afford those, anyway). Jeans, occasionally skirts... normal pants, most white... I only have two pair of shoes... Prefer to spend my money on CDs. (How old-fashioned!) My mother's an office clerk, my father works for a company that stocks building centres so most of the week he's not at home. My sister's 12, her name is Bo. (As I said, it really isn't, but if I ever have a daughter that'll definitely be her name! Have you seen the movie Signs? Perfect name for a little girl!) My parents used to be Jehovah's Witnesses and that's how they raised us. They stopped being active and going to the weekly congregations two or three years ago. I don't think they really believe in it anymore. All of our grandparents are Witnesses though. Bo probably still believes in it but I don't think she gives it a lot of thought. I don't really believe in it anymore. I'm not really sure what to believe. I'm just 15! At the moment I don't really care about religion in my life. It's sort of important to mention, not because Jehovah's Witnesses are the horrible dark sect that everyone is making them up to be, at least they aren't everywhere. Not everyone's the same. But still, we were brought up religiously so that does shape your frame of mind when it comes to things like sexuality. Pre-marital sex isn't okay, masturbation isn't okay etc. My parents are pretty open-minded (which is sort of uncommon for Witnesses), and as I said, they aren't active anymore, so I think they probably wouldn't really mind and say anything against masturbation, but they sure would see me with different eyes if they knew I did it, which I don't really want them to. I like to think that otherwise I'm a nice, polite and good girl so that's how I want to be perceived, as well. Okay this is getting less and less sexy, not that it has been yet to begin with, sorry again! I promise we'll get to the "good" stuff yet. Just a couple more words about me... Pretty much the coolest thing in my life so far is music. I just love the hell out of music and if it weren't so unrealistic to make a living out of it, I'd definitely like to be a musician later. I got an e-bass as a present a couple of weeks ago by a colleague of my mom who I've never even seen! Got back home and there it lay on my bed. He only knows that I love music from my mom, and he has a couple of basses, anyway. I also compose my own music (not that it's really any good yet, but it's getting better). The music I love is relatively weird stuff that most people don't like at all. I'm not going to list all of the music I like here now because at that point the name-changing would be moot, I'm convinced that if anyone read what music I'm into they could identify me either way... And it would also be another part of this story that'd turn neither of us on. Not you, anyway! My friends at school are mostly boys which sort of happened accidentally. We all happened to sit down close to each other on the first day and never changed the seating order in class anymore, so those three guys have become my best friends over the last 5 years (from which I guess you can now figure that I don't live in the US). My best friend, Graeme, is a Beatles fan too, would you believe it! His father has all the original vinyl LPs. Sorry, getting geeky here. Now on to the point! The first time I discovered I had something like sexuality was two years ago. I was reading a Stephen King book, "It". There's some sexual stuff in it and overall not really a book a 13-year old girl should probably read (my mother at this point was still afraid it might bring demons into the house). It's mostly a horror book but also a great description of a fantastic summer that seven very close friends had. There is one scene where there is a 10-year old girl, Beverly, watching from hiding how three teenage boys have their jeans pulled down and are lighting up each other's farts with a lighter. Anyway, it's the first time she's seen penises, and she finds them to look incredibly funny, but also has another strange feeling. She knows that those "tubes" (I remember that particular word) are supposed to go inside her at some point in her life if she wants to have babies. The other part of that strange feeling is fear from being discovered. She's in a place from where she can't really move without being heard and she knows the boys (they are really bad boys) would hurt her if they saw her on their way back from where they came. Later in the scene one of the boys starts rubbing the penis of another boy who sort of goes into a trance and just lets it happen. Then the first boy says "I can blow it for you if you want" and Beverly finds that to be a scary phrase. Anyway, the second boy suddenly wakes up and punches the other boy in the face. All in all not really a scene that would turn you on probably. (There is another at the end of the book though where Beverly has sex with all of her six best friends though!) To be honest I can't recall whether it was during this lighting farts scene or something completely unrelated, but I think it was this one. All I know is that at one point while I was reading the book, I had one of my hands in my pants and started rubbing myself down there. I kept doing that for a long while, probably an hour or so. At that point I put the book away. It was late at night and Bo was already asleep next door. I wasn't thinking at all about what I was doing, I just lay on my bed slowly stroking myself for what seems like an hour although it can't have been that long! Anyway, I did that for a long time till at one point, I came. It was the first orgasm I'd ever had and I still wasn't even aware of what I was doing. I just kept on stroking myself and had a couple more orgasms that night. Only when I was done and about to prepare myself for sleep I even started thinking about it! Of course when I realised that what I had just done was called "masturbating" and that we had talked about it in school and that back then I had been disgusted at the idea of people doing it, I was instantly feeling bad and awkward. I had given myself orgasms! Our biology teacher said that was okay and beautiful but all I was thinking was that it wasn't normal and "good" at all. At the same time of course I was really excited about it, too. No one could ever know about it, but it felt really nice and it was something cool and it was something that was only for me and for when I was alone. I fell asleep with mixed feelings... I promise that the next parts are going to be a lot better in terms of turning on both of us! I just needed to start somewhere and this felt like a logical way to do it. I plan to do this in episodes of sorts, one story after the other (yes, there are quite a couple), and now we have the boring stuff out of the way as well! So at least you have something to look forward to. I'm going to read a much sexier story on here now and so should you! But don't forget about me. You know what this website's theme is about and don't be afraid, so do I... |