Ask Aunt Sheila – 21

by Sheila Smith

Some questions I am asked are no more than one-liners, so I figure they only deserve one-line answers. Here is a selection.

Dear Aunt Sheila
Would you say that cunt-slapping is pleasurable?
Becky

Dear Becky
Certainly: "Cunt-slapping is pleasurable".

Dear Aunt Sheila
Would you suck your girlfriend's cunt thru the gusset of her panties?
Amy

Dear Amy
Would I ever?!

Dear Aunt Sheila
My hubby doesn't fuck me any more, he just eats my pussy. Is that normal?
Worried Wendy

Dear Worried Wendy
Well, it sure relieves him of the need to get an erection! LOL

Dear Aunt Sheila
What's the difference between a cunt and a pussy?
Puzzled Pamela

Dear Pamela
A cunt is hungry for cunt, a pussy is hungry for milk and catfood.

Dear Aunt Sheila
Did you ever do anything with another woman that made you feel ashamed
afterwards?
Bella D

Dear Bella D
Yes, but I went back next evening and completed the fuck. Next question?

Dear Aunt Sheila
Were you ever married? If not, how can you make judgments about straight sex?
Tricia Ayles (Mrs)

Dear Mrs Ayles
Yes, I was married for a short while, and "a short while" ought to be enough for any woman.

Dear Aunt Sheila
My Art teacher keeps touching me. I think she fancies me. Should I tell someone about this?
Ursula

Dear Ursula
You just told me. That's enough. Relax and enjoy it, girl.

Dear Aunt Sheila
I never know when you are being serious.
K

Dear K
Neither do I, sweetie. Fun, isn't it?!

Dear Aunt Sheila
You seem to approve of incest and sex with underage girls. How could you?
Liza Todd, Mrs

Dear Mrs Todd
How could I what?? I could, and would, but opportunity's a fine thing!

Dear Aunt Sheila
I just found out my mother has a strapon and she's using it on my father. What should I do?
Worried daughter

Dear Worried daughter
Try to get between them.

Dear Aunt Sheila
When I see a woman in uniform, I go weak at the knees. What is wrong with me?
Dorothy T

Dear Dorothy T
You are either speeding in a built-up area or parking in a restricted zone.

Dear Aunt Sheila
Don't you EVER give a serious answer?
Dorothy T

Dear Dorothy T
Only to a serious question. By the way, being arrested by a woman police officer can be fun if you come on to her in the right way!

Dear Aunt Sheila
What do you think about the condom?
Paul Pryor

Dear Paul
To be frank, dear, there's nothing in it for me.

Dear Aunt Sheila
Have you ever tried flavored dental dams?
Curious Ellen

Dear Ellen
There's only one flavor I want on my tongue when I go down on my girlfriend, and they don't make dental dams in that flavor.

Dear Aunt Sheila
Re Ellen's question, what the hell is a dental dam?
Phil the Perv

Dear Phil
I am so glad you don't know. Please keep it that way.

Dear Aunt Sheila
My hubby wants to have anal sex with me. I think it's disgusting. What do you think?
Mrs K

Dear Mrs K
I think it's disgusting too. Tell him to buy a sheep.

Dear Aunt Sheila
I am nine years old, and my mom still breastfeeds me. I don't mind, but I think it's weird, don't you?
Lil Lisa

Dear Lil Lisa
Well, if it keeps you off strong liquor, it's a good thing, sweetie.

Dear Aunt Sheila
What makes a woman a lesbian? I mean, is it like genetic, or did something happen to her to make her that way?
Harry the Thinker

Dear Harry
What happened to you to make you ask such a dumb question?

Dear Aunt Sheila
I started licking my lil girl's kitty when she was real young, and I just couldn't stop now even if I wanted to. It's not that she objects - she loves it - but I just think it's not right now that she's thirteen.
Mother M

Dear Mother M
The only thing not right would be if she wasn't returning the favor.

Dear Aunt Sheila
Do women get horny looking at porn the way men do, I mean, the way I do?
Alex

Dear Alex
Are you Alex the chronic masturbator? Good to hear from you again, jerk off!

Dear Aunt Sheila
Is the clitoris really a diminutive penis?
H

Dear H
No, the penis is really a diminutive clitoris.

Dear Aunt Sheila
I am sure my twin daughters - they are just 8 years old - are experimenting with each other sexually. What should I do about it?
Mary, mother of twins

Dear Mary
Join in.

Dear Aunt Sheila
Don't you ever have doubts? I mean, you seem so sure of yourself all the time. Didn't you ever get anything wrong?
Sue

Dear Sue
I don't want to talk about my ex-husband.

Dear Aunt Sheila
Have you been a lesbian all your life?
Tina

Dear Tina
Not yet.

Dear Aunt Sheila
How many women have you fucked?
Jayjay

Dear Jayjay
Not nearly enough, dear.

Dear Aunt Sheila
Why are lesbians called dykes?
Carrielynn

Dear Carrielynn
At last an intelligent question! Sadly, I don't know the answer. Can anyone help?