| Ask Aunt Sheila – Question and Answer Sometimes, questions can be dealt with in one sentence. Here are a few of them. Q What is the best way for a girl to use a banana? A Peel it, slice it over a dish of cereal, cover with milk and eat. Why, what else did you have in mind? Q Is there a right way and a wrong way to lick a pussy? A I am not a cat lover so I cannot answer this question. Q What is tribadism? A The customs and beliefs of tribal life and society. By the way, I suggest you use spellchecker before sending emails in future. Q What exactly is anal intercourse? A Talking out of your backside. Q Do you not agree that children need a father? A If you mean Father Christmas, yes. Q Why are lesbians called lesbians? A For the same reason that pigeons are called pigeons. Duh. Q What is a dyke? A An embankment of earth and rock built to prevent floods. Q What is a diesel dyke? A A contaminated embankment of earth and rock built to prevent floods. Q Are you really a man pretending to be a woman? A If I am, then either I have an enormous clitoris or a diminutive dick. Q Is a lesbian who has never been with a man a virgin? A Why are wrong numbers never engaged? You're not the only who can ask dumb questions. Q Would you agree that lesbians are ugly women who can't get laid? A Aren't you the guy who believes that the moon is made of green cheese? Q Why do they put scrotums on strapon dildos? A At last an intelligent question. Q What's the difference between a vagina, a vulva, a pussy and a cunt? A Mmmmmmm, I love it when you talk dirty! Q Would you let a dog lick your cunt? A Only if we'd been properly introduced. I don't put out for strangers. Q How do lesbians make love? A With more joy than you can imagine, loser! Q How do hedgehogs make love? A At last another intelligent question. The answer is, very carefully. Q Is menstruation dirty? A Only for men. For us, it's our homage to the goddess Kali. Now fuck off. Q Is it true that lesbians prey on young girls? A If you mean, do we pounce on them and eat them, yes, if they want us to. Q OK. you're so smart, do you know what a prepuce is? A It's one thing that definitely ISN'T on the tip of my tongue! Q Do lesbians make good mothers? A It's always been my ambition to seduce a good mother.... Q How do you know if a woman is a lesbian? A Sorry, all women are lesbian, actual or potential. I don't understand the question. Q Would you ever try to seduce a straight woman? A Would I ever! Q Isn't oral sex against the laws of God and Nature? A I checked the OT, and I can't find where it says "Thou shalt not munch muff". Q I heard that lesbians enjoy soixante-neuf. What is that? A Let me give you a clue. The square root of sixty-nine is "8 something". Q Is it true that there are many homosexual women in professions like nursing, the police and the military? A I am sure there are, just as there are many in all the other jobs and professions. Get used to it. Q How can a man tell when a woman is having an orgasm? A He can't, because it never happens when he's there. Q What does your husband think about your lesbianism? A She's ok with it. |