Ask Aunt Sheila – 12 (a further selection from my agony column)

by Sheilamoist

Dear Aunt Sheila
My best friend Annie is forever touching me, more like pawing me, you know, the way boys try to fondle your tits and stuff. She's even put her hand between my thighs a couple of times. I don't want to lose her friendship, so what should I do?
Worried Sally

Dear Sally
What's to worry about? Next chance you get, throw your panties away, splay your legs and say to your friend Annie "Your move, sweetie!"

Dear Aunt Sheila
Is cunnilingus unhygienic? I mean, can you catch anything? I only ask because my sister says we ought to try it on each other, which is kinda freaky.
Bella

Dear Bella
My dear sweet Bella, what a delicious question! Listen, honey, I have been muffmunching since I was a little girl, coincidentally MY first time was with my sister, and I can promise you the only side-effects are GOOD ones - they're called orgasms - so dive in, girl, and get your face wet!

Dear Aunt Sheila
My little daughter is very curious about the private parts of the body, and seeing me naked in the shower wanted to probe me, if you know what I mean. She was particularly interested by my rather prominent labia. She's only seven, which is surely too young for a girl to be interested in such things. Your advice will be much appreciated. I don't want to do the wrong thing.
Jennifer's Mommy [name and address supplied]

Dear Mom,
The only wrong thing in this situation is to do nothing. You should thank God your little girl is showing such a lively interest in your body and in her own. Help her to explore, find out, experience all the wonderful joys of the female body. For goodness' sake, Mom, let Jennifer get her fingers in your cunt. Let her know the pleasure she can give you. Show her your clit and how to caress it. Let her experience not just the feel of your cunt, but its taste and aromas too. And if you make her a slave to your cunt, that's even better! One other thing: you remember the saying in the Good Book "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"? So, remember, your little darling has a pussy too that you should probe and stroke and kiss and lick. Lucky little Jennifer!

Dear Aunt Sheila
I was disgusted by your reply to the letter from "Jennifer's Mommy". Don't you realise that encouraging sex between a mother and a daughter could cause the child to grow up to be a lesbian?
Mrs S Carter, Teacher (Retd)

Dear Mrs S Carter, Teacher (Retd),
Well, that's the outcome I always hope for, but sadly, some girls still seem to want to waste themselves on males. Fortunately, it's only a few these days that fail to follow their TRUE nature and instincts. Clearly you were one, your poor woman.

Dear Aunt Sheila
I am a normal girl and I have a boyfriend, but the weirdest thing has happened. He likes dressing up as a woman, the whole shmeer: bra and panties, makeup, a blonde wig. And it's amazing, he really looks like a woman! That's not the weird part. The weird part is that I get really wet when he becomes a she. And the only sex we have nowadays is he goes down on me and eats me out while he brings himself off with his hand. I am so confused these days, how can I sort out this crazy situation?
Rebecca L

Dear Rebecca,
Why put up with an imitation when you can have the real thing? I suggest you find yourself an older experienced woman who understands your predicament and will show you how much better the real thing is. If you are not sure how to make contact with lesbians in your area, visit my website girls4women, or better still give me a call and I will see if we can meet up.
By the way, don't worry about your boyfriend. It's only a matter of time before he'll be sucking cocks thru a glory hole at his local Sex Store.

Dear Aunt Sheila,
Why do men like porn so much? I mean watching videos on the Internet, that kind of stuff. My hubby has gone off sex completely. These days, he just sits at his PC and jerks off. I know at least five other wives who are in the same situation. Isn't that terrible?
Frustrated Freda

Dear Freda,
Terrible? It's absolutely wonderful, Freda! Don't you realise that it now leaves you and your friends free to be yourselves, to release all the passions of the REAL WOMEN in you.
You can enjoy your kind of sex your way from now on. The good sex. The REAL sex. And if you have never made love to another woman before, that's all the sweeter. You just don't realise what a wonderful treat is in store for you and your friends. Just tell your wanker hubbies that you are going to a Tuppaware Party. And "tup"!

Dear Aunt Sheila,
Me and my friends - six girls - shared a cab home from the club the other night, and I had my mate Cindy on my lap. I guess I must have been drunk because I started feeling her up, you know, squeezing her boobs and sliding my hand up her skirt and rubbing her pussy. The thing is, she responded! I mean, she really wanted it. Since then, I have been scared she might think I'm lez or something. What should I do if she comes on to me next time we meet?
Trish

Dear Trish,
What you haven't told me, Trish, is whether YOU enjoyed feeling up your girlfriend. But that's not a problem, because we both know the answer, don't we, dear?! Now be a good girl, and stop wasting my time. You and Cindy have got something good going here. Build on it, and, who knows?, you might even invite me to the wedding!

Dear Aunt Sheila,
I know it's a dumb question, but what do nuns do when they are feeling horny?
William Bates (14).

Dear Master Bates,
They do what you are doing right now, so finish your handjob and then go find yourself a jerkbuddy. Nuns can manage perfectly well on their own.

Dear Aunt Sheila,
There's a really ugly rumor going round that our vicar (Her name is Fiona F, and she's single) lets her dog (a big brute, I think it's a German Shepherd cross) sleep in her bed, and people are putting 2 and 2 together, I don't want to be more specific. But surely, sex between a woman and a dog is not possible. I can't imagine it.
"Curious and Concerned" [name and address supplied]

Dear Curious and Concerned,
Sure you can imagine! If you are curious, visit "dogsex" on one of the IRC channels. If you are concerned, go visit your vicar and tell her how attractive you find her AND her dog. Sheesh, what do you want me to say?!
PS A note to the dirtier-minded of my readers: I visit channels like dogsex only in the interests of research and information. Yeah, right.

Dear Aunt Sheila,
What is the attraction of strapons? My girlfriend bought me one for my birthday and insisted I should let her "do" me. But, honestly, I don't want a piece of rubberised plastic in my vagina, even if it's being pushed into me by my girlfriend. I said no, and she has been in a sulk ever since. Am I being unreasonable?
Judy Smith

Dear Judy,
Yes.