| Ask Aunt Sheila – 5 Ask Aunt Sheila is just a bit of nonsense, written at intervals for my own amusement. The Aunt Sheila Agony Column is not meant to be taken too seriously! 41 Line manager come-on I joined our company Social and Sport Club, mainly for the aerobics class. After one session, the Head of Personnel invited me to the cafeteria for a coffee. I only knew her slightly. Anyway, we chatted for a while, and then she put her hand on my knee and said "You know, Angie, I have always found you sexually attractive." I don't know what I said, but I got out of there real quick. She has invited me to her house for dinner Saturday. I don't want to offend her, because she is like one of my bosses, so, please, Aunt Sheila, tell me what should I do? Darling Angie, I can only offer solutions when there is a problem. You don't have a problem, unless you are asking me what you should wear for your date with the gorgeous Head of Personnel. Something simple, maybe a short black dress, fuck-me shoes and no knickers. That ought to do the trick, dear. 42 Lesbian whores I am sure you will understand why my letter is anonymous. I am the wife of a well-known public figure, whose career would be ruined if it came out that his wife is actively seeking a lesbian relationship. I cannot afford to get involved with anyone, so I am wondering if there are female escort services for women like me. Lady T. So, Lady T, you want to go with a prostitute, just the way your old man does, I have no doubt! A top-class lesbian whore, right? One that will do everything you want. For money. Fortunately for you, I have a small circle of sexy women who might be just right for you - and any of your lady friends who find themselves in the same predicament, ie, wanting cunt but not knowing where to find it. In fact, most of the females in my little yahoo group would probably be happy to oblige. Email me privately and we will see what we can do for you. 43 No such thing as lesbianism When I told my mother that I was a lesbian and had a girlfriend, she just said "There is no such thing as lesbianism. Ask your father. He knows about these things." So I asked my dad, and he said "Not a problem, Ellie, bring your girlfriend round to the house." I am just not sure what to do. I don't want to freak out my mum, and I am not sure what my dad is up to (I noticed he started to fondle his groin when I talked to him about my girlfriend), but it would be nice to take her home. What do you suggest? Ellie, keep her away from your dad, but introduce her to your mum. Believe me, mums are much more understanding than you young girls realise. Why? Because most of them have had exactly the same feelings that you have for your girlfriend. Your mum is, as they say, "in denial" at the moment, but once she sees how much in love you and your girlfriend are, her heart will melt, believe me. 44 My little tampon Aunt Sheila, I am SO embarrassed. I love my Sharon to bits, but she has a habit that really makes me cringe. She always calls me her "little tampon", which is ok, I suppose, but she does it IN PUBLIC in front of all kinds of people. I have asked her not to, but she doesn't seem to think there is a problem, it's just her way of showing affection. What do you think? Perplexed. Dear Perplexed, if you have a tongue that can penetrate like a tampon, your Sharon is paying you a great compliment. As to calling you her "little tampon" in public, what's to worry about? Men won't have a clue what she means, and women will just sigh and wish they had a "little tampon" like you. Apart from that, just be grateful Sharon doesn't call you her "little sanitary towel", it just doesn't have the same ring to it. 45 Domination Last weekend, my girlfriend H invited me to dinner with two lesbian couples, friends of hers that I had not met before. Both couples were what you might call butch/femme. H and I treat each other as equals, though she can be a bit dom at times. But on this evening, she went totally into butch mode with me, and I really resented it. Also the two butch women treated me like I was H's sex toy. Am I overreacting? S. S, thank you for that giveaway phrase "she can be a bit dom at times". Let's face it, girl, you LIKE being sub! Forget about the dinner, forget about the butch dykes, just be glad you have H in your life. OK, she was out of order to play that game with you without letting you know first what the scene was, but, hell, does she fuck good or doesn't she? Exactly. Dedicate your next fuck to me, ok?! 46 Loo incident I was SO disgusted by an incident I witnessed in a ladies loo the other day. In a cubicle, I saw one girl kneeling between another girl's legs and LICKING HER PUSSY. Surely people ought to close the door before indulging in that kind of thing. What are you, President of the League of Public Decency? You don't want to look, so don't look. Personally, I think you were just jealous it wasn't you licking that gorgeous pussy. Get real, girl. 47 Boyfriend My name is Charlene. My boyfriend wants me to have a les thing while he watches. And maybe joins in. Is that normal? By "a les thing", I assume you mean you having sex with another girl while he sits by, cock in hand, wanking. I think it's a great idea, Charlene. Go find yourself a nice girlfriend and get down and dirty with her. Just one thing: tell your boyfriend there's NO WAY he would ever be allowed to be present and watch. Forget the dweeb, you've got much better things to do with your life, girl. 48 Famous lesbians I visited a website recently that listed a whole lot of FAMOUS women - you know, celebrities, filmstars, politicians, etc - who are alleged to be lesbians. Surely that can't be true. Can it? Puzzled Penelope There are only two categories of "famous women", as you call them: the lesbians, and the ones who aren't telling. Now, just forget the rich and famous and concentrate on your own life, Penelope. Go find yourself a horny woman and fuck each other's brains out is the advice of your Auntie Sheila (herself a celebrity, of course). 49 Teachers, nurses are all lesbians I was told that most women teachers and most female nurses are gay. Is this true. Yes, Next question. 50 Pornography Surely pornography is a man-thing? Women don't watch pornography, do they? I have visited one or two websites and I must admit I got a bit aroused, specially watching women kissing, etc, but I still believe porn is for men, not for women. Email me privately, dear, and I will send you a list of websites that will set your pretty cunt on fire! |